So he didnt fancy me, We have now spent 2 fantastic night together.. he now feels there is chemistry and we are meeting up later to talk it through ------ i am rubbish at this.....please help me.....

[cheekysealion]

i had another thread on this...

basically we were very close at school lost touch recently got back in touch, i instantly liked him again.. he didnt fancy me..

last weekend we kissed and then we were saying it shouldnt have happened etc... last night we spent the most wonderful evening together. lovely kisses and cuddles... then we went out for a walk after midnight... and i said we shouldnt have let that happen again.. and he was saying he feels there is chemistry between us and we need to talk about it... i said what do you mean and he said well we need to decide if we do or if we dont...

And i am dreading him now coming over later to discuss this... as i am so worried he will say he doesnt want a relationship with me and jsut be friends.. and i dont know what i will say to him...

I also feel he feels a bit of resentment towards me because he feels at school i abandoned him to get with the school bad boy... and he thinks if we had been together then it would have saved us both from all the hurt we have had from other people... i disagree and think if we have been given another chance now and we both want it then we should take it..

sorry if this is crapola but i have only had few hours sleep

don't automatically put him and his feelings first

Go with an open mind, but don't accept a casual relationship, it isn't what you want. Either proper go at it or nothing.

Mine is saying I kept going off with other guys and listened to friends too much. I told him he kept breaking my heart. I wish so much things could be different and my heart and head are a mess now.

I would say go for it as otherwise you will always wonder.

Be straight with him. Pride got in our way.

Just tell him whatever happens you would love to stay friends but if there is more between you, then why not go for it.

LOU-thankyou... i def dont want casual relationship with him so i wont go down that route.the only reason i would want to do that would be in the hope that in time i could change his mind but i know that is not sensible.... and i would not put myself through that hurt..

NAB- thankyou for posting when you are going through your own pain...I am planing to tell him how i feel without being over the top dont know what words i will use yet but i am sure i will find some... i always seem to want to say so much but end up saying so little... and i dont want to appear to over the top..

Write a card?

Don't give yourself away so easy. It can't just be about what he wants. Don't let him be mucking you around because of something years ago.

I have had two brief flings (were supposed to be relationships) from my past and unfortunetly the past got in the way.

Say what you feel if he doesn't like it then leave it alone IMO

I often hold back what I think and telling them what I want, due to caring to much about their feelings and fear of them running. IME if they are going to run they will do it anyway in time.

can you sit down with a blank sheet of paper and write a kind of pros and cons thing for you going into this relationship and what barriers there might be.

it may sound odd but i often find that getting things in black and white helps focus my ind before a big 'talk' and i can keep in mind what i really want.

best wishes

yeah he needs a recent card to go with the ones i sent him all those years ago...

see i havent really thought about 'giving myself away so easily' do you mean dont tell him how i feel ? or not appear needy?

What I mean is don't give all the power to him. If you want something a certain way he must understand that your views and thoughts on the matter are just as valid as his.

cheekysealion, for me it was a little bit different, because DH and I were both Christians, and felt strongly about celibacy before marriage.

I told him that I wasn't prepared to be a fill-in girlfriend until he had found 'the one', and that unless he could imagine this relationship possibly progressing to marriage, I wasn't interested. I made it clear that I wasn't expecting a proposal!, just that if he couldn't imagine it being a serious relationship, then it wasn't for me.

Perhaps all you need to say is that you have cared for him for a long time, and that you are only interested in a relationship if it is important to him, too.

You don't have to get heavy, but you want to ensure that you are seeing things the same way, or you could get very hurt.

good advice from lou

i think my paper thing is basically work out what you want, what you can compromise on, what you can't and go in with that.

it is not the time for making do and hoping for change.

good luck!

UH-oh. I have read your other thread. This man is a manipulative fanny teaser. Sorry, but he is. He will shag you, then make a more-in-sorrow-than-in-anger comment about your body, or your performance, or how he thought he would feel 'something more' but doesn't. He will then keep you dangling for weeks and months, saying that the sex shouldn't have happend but oh whoops it's just happened again, so you will pay for every shag with hours of his self-indulgent wittering.
Walk away now.

I read it a bit differently. If I read it correctly, it was CSL who was putting the brakes on, and the he was saying that he wanted more? If that is the case, I would think that he wants to talk to clear up how you both feel and decide if there is a relationship here. Which is what CSL wants. No fanny teasing that I can see.

CSL at least you know roughly where you stand now which must be a huge relief.
If you want to have a proper relationship with him then you need to tell him and I would tell him in person and not by a card.
And I expect that he is probably as nervous as you by the sounds of it.
Best of luck and keep us posted!!
Am rooting for you big time
xx