Does your husband being a misery at Christmas rub off on you?:(

[Loreleyjynx]

My husband is a real pessimist and general miserable swine. I used to love Christmas and really get in the mood, making things with the kids in the run up to Christmas on the kitchen table, listening to Christmas songs on the CD. However, he has no interest in Christmas at all and is a real wet blanket about it. Gradually I've got less and less excited and this year didn't feel like it was Christmas at all - despite seeing the kids' nativities and going to carol service at Church.
I feel like he has sucked all the fun right out of me.
This year he didn't even buy my a Christmas present and spent all day Christmas Eve in the pub from 10 am and when he got home he couldn't even walk. When he got home he told me to go away and I had to get the kids out of the house so they didn't have to see how drunk he was. He never drinks normally - only when he goes out with his workmates, - but when he does I live in fear for when he gets home.
He's ruined my Christmas again and I hate him. Every holiday he makes me cry by having a go at me for any little petty reason. I feel like he deliberately spoils anything I look forward to.
I want to see a relationship counsellor - does anyone have any experience of this?
I'm so miserable.

oh honey how awful. Do go and see a counsellor - it will help you see things clearly and your options. Nobody deserves to be made miserable and undermined. Make sure your happy with the counsellor. The first counsellor I saw was just ok but the second one brilliant. Good luck

well, make sure this is the last time he does ruin your christmas.

Sorry to hear he has spoiled it. You can, though, ensure that it does not happen again and you have a whole year to sort this out.

Are you happy in your marriage apart from the christmas part? You say, every holiday he makes you cry. Do you mean when you go away together or every christmas?

Sounds like he has really brought you down,and you do not have to live your life being made miserable because he does not enjoy certain things.

Agree about seing a counsellor, then you can make some decisions about your future.

My ex did this. I love christmas, especially now I have dc. He would never buy any presents, even for the kids, go to dc nativity, etc and when we visited family he would sit in another room away from everyone else and make me feel incredibly uncomfortable.

As you say, it felt like over the years he had sucked the fun out of it all.

Last year he booked a holiday over new year, for himself, without telling me. That was the final straw for me (among other things).

This christmas without him is one of the best i've had for years.

I'm not recommending you get rid of your dh, but as bollockbrain said, you have a whole year to make sure it doesn't happen again and ohappy re counselling.

Can you involve other people more in your xmas festivities? Like going to the nativity and carol service with your kids and a friend (maybe a single mum) and her kids. Plan it so it'll be nice.

It's hard when your the only adult making an effort for the kids. Makes you think "why do I bother".

Next year plan lots of activities with a friend, skating, baking and decorating cookies together and try to get everything done before xmas eve and plan something really nice for then.

That just leaves xmas day and if he's really being a miseryguts just ignore him and concentrate on the children Don't let him spoil it for you.

Is it just xmas time this happens, or is he often a miserable old bugger

Hi Thanks for the support.
It's not just at Christmas - over the years he has become more and more boring and miserable. He wasn't like that when we met.
He is starting to morph into a clone of his Dad and he wants me to morph into his Mother. He worships his parents, even though they are a pair of racist, ignorant idiots. His Dad is also soulless and does nothing but judge and criticise people - all he believes in is work, work, work.
His Mother is the same.
Over the years, my husband has become more and more like them and now at weekends all my husband wants to do is jobs with his Dad. My husband never wants to do anything with us except go to the park in the village. My husband has become really boring, because he doesn't believe in having fun.
His parents have been really horrible to me over the years his Dad was particularly mean to me (lighting bonfires next to my washing on purpose etc.) and my husband just let him. It only stopped when I stood up for myself to them.
My husband just wants me to be a skivvy, keep the house clean to his exacting standards and not work (I had a good career before in Translation and Exports) - he says that if I can get a job matching his wages, then I can get a job. He's terrified of having to do a bit of housework.Im going to get a job anyway in July.
Also he is passive aggressive and is hostile and sullen a lot and refuses to discuss anything with me, without losing his temper.

God, he sopunds horrendous!

Ooh yes he does sound pretty horrible all round.

I read the thread because my DH is fairly miserable about Xmas, no present again for me, no birthday present in early December either.

I had my family over for Xmas and he joined in etc. but no effort with presents or the rest.

Sounds like you have other issues though - what's this "letting" you get a job on his terms.

Just get one.