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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I'm not sure what to do.

5 replies

kayzr · 29/12/2008 18:39

Dh and I are having marriage problems. He has a pretty bad temper and we argue alot. It is mainly about DS1(21 months) who is going through a really bad patch of being naughty. He seems to ignore everything we do or say. We've tried ignoring his bad behaviour, trying to distract him and various things the HV suggests. So DH has taken to just yelling at him really loudly, which I hate.

DS2 is 17 days old. I have struggled a bit with BF thanks to MWs with different advice and 1 MW forcing us to give him formula. I have been quite upset about this. But DH has been moaning that I sit watching him struggle with DS1 and I don't do anything. Well that might have something to do with having a baby attached to my boobs! I have a feeling he feels left out now as DS1 was FF so he could feed him and when the MW said we had to give formula top ups I was BF and then DH would give him his top up.

He went to the GP earlier this year during the summer and was told to take Calms, they didn't do anything so he went to see another GP. They got him counselling(sp) and this also hasn't seemed to work. It mainly centred on his childhood which wasn't all that good really. His mum and dad argued all the time, DH saw his mum threaten to kill his dad and then they split up and he didn't see his dad for about 8 years. Then it all went wrong on our wedding day and he doesn't see his dad anymore.

We can quite often go over a month with no arguements at all and then we'll have a week or 2 of rows where we both think splitting up would be best. But I don't want us to split up as I love him to pieces. I sometimes wonder if having the boys has caused this as we never really argued before DS1 arrived. I really miss the man I married.

He is going to to back to the GP to ask about anger management.

Thanks for reading/listening. I feel a bit better to get it off my chest.

OP posts:
jollyoldstnickschick · 29/12/2008 18:45

I think a new baby always causes a little shake up in family dynamics - your 21 month old ds is still a baby he picks up on your tensions and stress and to add to it he has new sibling.

You have just had a bby your whole emotions are in turmoil- without strong support network this is a hard time.

I understand your dh is suffering and i can see to an extent how he is feeling but he needs help tomorrow not soon tomorrow.

You must put yourself and your children first whilst working at your relationship.

kayzr · 29/12/2008 18:48

He is going to ring the GP as soon as they open tomorrow morning. Don't know when he will get an appointment as they are bloody useless.

OP posts:
jollyoldstnickschick · 29/12/2008 18:55

He must insist - its a nightmare these days seeing the dr.

maybe its a mixture of things the season the weather a new baby and everyday stresses too??

pamelat · 29/12/2008 19:00

You both have a lot going on with your two children, and you have only just given birth and are probably knackered, hormonal etc.

Go easy on yourself.

I don't really have any advice but just give yourself some time out, and hold off the expectations.

kayzr · 29/12/2008 19:18

He has had job worries too recently. He found out just before Xmas that his job is safe but it was very stressful.

It really is a nightmare seeing a dr. Knowing the GPs round here I'll have my six week check at 8 weeks.

OP posts:
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