hmm i just told dp to go away and never come back

[thisisyesterday]

which is nice, on christmas eve. there is a long story behind it, but i am not sure i can type it all out because i don't want to cry and i need to pick ds1 up from nursery in a bit.

god. what have i done?

Did you mean it? Has he actually gone?

oh dear. do you want him to come back?

no, he;'s gone.

oh my goodness, are you ok ?

Where has he gone? Just round to parents/friends? Not far away??

Do you want him to come back??

You sound shocked at what you have done. Did you mean it?

Well, without knowing the ins and outs of your situation, it's hard to say whether you've done the right thing or not.
It's a horribly stressy time of year and the smallest thing tends to tip me over the edge. Do you think this might be a factor? Do you think you might feel differently in a couple of weeks when life in general is calmer?

Where is he? Can you call him (if you want to, that is)?

i don't know where he has gone. back to work probably. we'd arranged all this stuff we needed to do today (ie, get the christmas tree in), only he didn't tell me that actually he wouldn't be here to do any of it because he would be at work.
i got upset because he hadn't nmentioned it before and we could have done it all already if I'd known he wouldn't be here.
so he said he wouldn't go in, he would work remotely from home.
then, this morning he said he would go in, but just to set stuff up. an hour and a half max he said.
he went at half 8 and only just turned up at home before 12.
i'd sent him a couple of texts asking when he'd be abck which he had ignored. he ignored me when I called and he ignored an e-mail.

the thing ius, this isn't the first time this has happened. he took paternity leave for both our children and then ended up just "popping into the office" and staying ther eall day every day.

i am so sick of him lying to me and telling me what I want to hear and then just going and doing whatever he wants to do regardless.
i am pregnant, i can't get a fucking 5 foot potted christmas tree in here by myself.

Call him and tell him to come back and sort it all out.

just seems like work is his priority and we have to come second to it all the time.
it was him who wanted ds1 to go to nursery this morning as it would give us time to get stuff done.

if i'd known he wouldn't be here and we couldn't do it anyway i'd have kept ds1 at home instead of sending him out

i have no idea what I want. i can't imagine how I can survive on my own, but I can't stay with someone just for money can i

then don't thisisyesterday. go on strike. do something nice with child(ren) instead. it doesn't all have to be done, it isn't worth getting so upset for. and if you don't do it then he'll really have to.

i've got my best friend and my mum coming round later to drop presents off, so i'll get them to help me with the tree.

i told him he can spend the whple of christmas at his office seeing as he likes it so much.
i don't want him to come in and it all be ok again because that just means he'll keep doing it, because every time it happens I just end up dealing with it and nothing changes.

Thisisyesterday I kind of know how you feel.

Monday - dh says I will be home early - arrives at 6.20 (5 minutes later than he normally does)

Yesterday does make it home an hour early and we went out to a cafe near us that serves lovely ice-creams. Dh then says oh X (his boss) sent round an email today, saying he wants everyone to go home tomorrow by 3pm at the latest. He then pipes up well I will be home long before that. So I tell the dc he will be home really early and that we can go and do something nice in the afternoon, only for dh to backtrack this morning and say he can't really leave before 3.

Arrghhh men- I feel your pain.

Have a nice time with your mum and sister.

The all do it... men and their work I mean.

I used to get in a terrible state over it. DH took not a moments paternity leave.

Here I am 25 years later, not giving a shit. He can work all the hours he likes. I've got used to doing things on my own with the DC.

Don't waste your raised blood pressure on him OP, it's not worth it.

i am the same as themoon66, which is a bit sad really, but you kinda just think 'fuckit' after about 15 years.

to be fair dh has had periods of time where he is the one responsible for school runs etc.

Do you get your christmas tree on christmas eve ?

have calmed down a little now. I don't think i do actually want him to leave.
anyway, my mum needs a lift home as she missed her bus, so i called him and he said he'll come and do that.

the christmas tree is a big potted one we've had for years, it's usually up before now but I am dreading it going up because ds2 who is 14 months will just be a nightmare with it

He's obviously trying to teach you a 'lesson' tch some blokes eh.. try to think of it from his perspective..for about five seconds while u think what would you do if someone told you to bugger off.. then get out of empathetic mode and be reassured you have at least seen it from his side, then you can get on with stuff until he comes out of his strop and comes home
Would just like to say pls dont be too harsh on him or yourself hun .. workplaces and bosses and families do not all interact well in this country.
My own workplace/boss ect can be crap and rigid on stuff that does not work when you have a child who is poorly, if you want to spend time with your family, and other such things they see as unimportant.
Lucky to be in a position where i feel i can tell them 'go forth and procreate with yourself, my child/ren need me!'
Blokes, well, it is harder for them to get away with much like that and as for the paternity leave..yeah, a few blokes i know at work have been called in, asked to help out, then found themselves roped in for the remainder of the day, with no 'good enough' reason to say no..they don't like to look like a mook nor do they want the boss thinking you wear the trousers.. men just get their priorities wrong sometimes.
Love n hugs to you flower cos you are the 'victim' as such in all this. Have as good a time as you can without mr stroppy being around for a bit then when he comes back you may just be relaxed and happier.. and don't forget he is probably feeling as shit as you right now. How hard is it to walk out of a room? Easy.. but how hard is it to walk back in feeling like a nob ? Bit harder. So he'll sneak in head down and try worming way round by doing nice stuff.. my bloke is like this when he is in the doghouse lol.
xx good luck xx

well. he came back in and ds2 duly started vomiting all over the place.
so he cleaned it all up without prompting!!! which was nice.

the thing with his work is that it's not even technically open today! most of the staff aren't there, his boss "might" be going in after lunch. he just wanted to do some stuff.

ditto the paternityt leave. they were happy for him to take it, he just decided that it would help him if he went in for a couple of hours a day because then he wouldn't have a backlog of work when he got back, which is fair enough. it just seems that when he gets there he can't stop.

and don't even get me started on his bloody blackberry GGRRRRRRRRRRR

Maybe he wants to do what he says, but once he's in work he feels the peer pressure to stay?

That doesn't excuse his behaviour. He's bing an arse. And you at least deserve for him to be honest with you.

Call hi and ask him to come home and talk about it.

My DH is just as bad. He cannot bear to be away from his Blackberry. It is almost surgically attached to him, he seems to think the world will end if he doesn't check the thing every 2 minutes (fangry)

Blackberry's are evil! They are like having a ball and chain and working on a chain gang.

I can't believe people agree to have them, may as well just hand your soul straight over to your employer IMO.

Hope your dh is suitably ashamed thisisyesterday, and you can have a good christmas.

I can't remember who said it, but it made me laugh - that Blackberries are like electronic tagging for middle class people!

I haven't got one....

My dp is off working somewhere today after we'd agreed to spend it together, so sympathies, there's a lot of it about.