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Original poster

Anyone else fed up of being a 'retail widow?' Please come and vent frustrations here

41 replies

philmassive · 24/12/2008 07:37

Just had to get this off my chest. It bothers me all year really but Christmas is really exceptionally shit.

DH is a retail manager and he is working all hours God sends up to and over Christmas and the New Year. 12 hours 6 days per week, no extra money, starting at 6am Boxing Day and only Christmas Day off. Has to stay late tonight to put sale signage up so won't even see DS's go to bed on Christmas Eve all excited for Santa. The thing that really gets me is that he actually doesn't seem to be that bothered.

I have just been told this morning by DS1 that Daddy is going to get his (DS1's) present for DS2 today. Just rung DH at work and he said 'I told him I'd see' when he knows bloody well that he won't get out of the shop today. So I said 'in future just tell him the truth, say No'rather than have him disappointed. Luckily I have another pressie option up my sleeve but that is not the point.

He has disappointed kids over other things too - said he would build a manger for reindeers to eat out of - it's not finished and kids wanting to put it out tonight - said he had a 'santa stop here' sign, but asked him for it this morning before he left, and guees what? It's broken and he needs to mend it. When? You're always at bloody work!

Really need to vent frustration with myself as I said last year that I was not going to have another Christmas with disappointed kids again, and here I am, trying to make up for him again. So sad.

OP posts:

SoupDragon · 30/12/2008 09:23

FGS lots of jobs are cr*p. H worked all the hours god sent and was away lots and he wasn't in retail. I simply got on and did stuff like building a reindeer manger myself. Be grateful he has a job.

SoupDragon · 30/12/2008 09:24

It's his job, it is what he is paid to do. What do you expect?

LoulouCapone · 30/12/2008 14:35

Erm, I might be missing the point here but the thread title quite clearly explains what the thread is about - Soup if you're not a retail widow, have you come in here just to ruffle feathers? Very odd...
Well done for you for having a DH who worked away and did lots of hours...
You are clearly ok with this, we are not - sorry.
Yes I am grateful he has a job - doesn't mean I wouldn't mind actually seeing him once in a while. He's had 3 days off since the start of December, and one of those was Christmas Day.
It would be different if his job was somewhere that needed to be open round the clock, like a hospital or similar - but it's a shop and trading hours have become ridiculous. It's not even a food shop!
Yes he does get paid but if you took all the hours he works and what he earns for them, I don't think he even makes minimum wage.
We, and lots of others up and down the country, in lots of different professions have lost the work life balance. Just because you get paid doesn't mean you should be happy about it.

Original poster

philmassive · 30/12/2008 15:23

Well said louloucapone, couldn't have worded it better myself!

FYI soup, I am glad that he has a job. So is he. My point is that the world has gone mad when people are queueing for a new kettle at 8am on boxing day, ensuring that people who would like to be having what most people would describe as a normal Christmas aren't.

Also, you are extremely lucky to be the sturdy minded type of person who can 'simply get on and did stuff like building a reindeer manger' yourself, some of us aren't and it gets us down to be stuck on our own day in day out witnessing everyone else having a proper family Christmas, and seeing our children disappointed. You are made of sterner stuff than I if that would not get to you. Congratulations.

OP posts:

conniedescending · 30/12/2008 15:41

tbh with the retail sector being what it is at the minute I'd be greatful my DH was working all hours, xmas or not. He probably has a whole heap of work related problems this year in light of the credit crunch. Not fair to blame the shoppers coming to spend their money at his store! Be thankful anyone is shoppi ng at all!!!!!!

I'm not unsympathetic though, my DH was a firefighter before he re-trained for something else and that wasn't just late ngihts/ early mornings plus the constant worry for his safety.

Original poster

philmassive · 30/12/2008 15:52

I do see your point but it doesn't change the fact that 70 hours per week on his salary is well below minimum wage and that what he is asked to do is not even legal. His hourly rate for Dec is about £3.30. Is that fair?

You can bet that if these retailers are going down it's not because the store staff aren't giving their pound of flesh.

OP posts:

conniedescending · 30/12/2008 17:17

I guess I think you may be better off just accepting that this is the way retail works. The busiest time of year is xmas and that's when he has to put the hours in.

You'll feel alot better if you go with the flow, support your DH and make life easier for him rather than fighting against it and feeling angry and bitter. Next year plan activities that you can do with the children.

Original poster

philmassive · 31/12/2008 07:57

Gosh, what an apt name you have given yourself! Amazingly you will find that I do plan activities that I can do with the children, I had thought of that all by myself. And I do it all year round too, not just at Christmas, since he is never here on weekends either.

OP posts:

ssd · 31/12/2008 09:23

there you go philmassive, bet you didn't think of planning activities for you and the children did you

what a load of self righteous twaddle

can't some posters put themselves in others place and offer some sympathy, instead of being rude or patronising?

findtheriver · 31/12/2008 10:26

Woah, calm down, I haven't noticed anyone being rude.

Seems to me that the point some people are trying to make is that any job will have its downside - and if you work in the retail industry then you know that weekends and Christmas are going to be your busy periods.
The people I know in retail work weekends - but they get a day off during the week, so it's swings and roundabouts. I have a mate who is able to take his kids to school and pick them up every Monday because that's his regular day off. Now, personally I never get to take my kids to school or pick them up because me and my DH are working Mon to Fri, but there's no point moaning or being because you know when you go into a job what the downsides are.

Many people work at least 12 hour days and don't get paid for all the hours they do! I bring masses of work home and often do a couple of hours in the evening or a day at the weekend. Big deal!

Sorry, but I just think with so many people around who are losing their jobs and homes, you're not going to get a huge amount of sympathy for a 'problem' like this.

Tortington · 31/12/2008 10:30

i thought this thread was about women who hate shopping with men.

LoulouCapone · 31/12/2008 11:55

Findtheriver - you are absolutely right all jobs do have a downside.
I accept that, and I also accept that we are lucky to be earning. What I resent is that just because we are earning and just because we "know that weekends and christmas are going to be our busy periods" doesn't mean it doesn't get us down.

FWIW the OP does say "Anyone else fed up of being a retail widow.... I didn't come on here expecting any sympathy from anyone else and I don't think the OP did when she started the post. I was looking to comiserate and have a sound off with people who are in the same boat.

If I find a post by say a services wife who's fed up with her DH being away all the time, and say "You knew what you were getting into...", "count yourselves lucky, people are losing their houses", or "lots of people work long hours, deal with it" I'd probably get flamed and rightly so.

Also when my DH was first in retail it was a very different job. He actually used to have xmas eve and boxing day off because shops didn't open - so we did get bit of a break.
He also used to be able to get the odd Saturday off too.
Then when they did start opening on ridiculous days, he and his deputies used to draw straws for who would get which day, xmas eve, box day, and new years eve. Now all three of them have to work because in a store that has increased its takings from around £1 million a year to almost £4 million a year, they haven't had their staff hours increased to reflect it, so because they are salaried and their hours don't count towards the store allocation, they work it because they don't have a choice. My DH is currently studying to take him into higher management to get him out of the shop side of it, because it's become so different.

I also have a job where I take work home, and am not always at the school etc... I don't moan about that because my salary and benefits are very good. I'm not treated like a workhorse.

I realise that I've gone on a bit, but that's mainly to justify myself to the poster's who don't have partners in retail, yet seem to think they know what it's like enough to judge. I wouldn't have needed to say any of this to the people I have it in common with - they already know. I kinda thought that's what mumsnet is for - finding people in similar positions having a chat... If I wanted to be judged I'd have posted in AIBU and asked for it.

catweazle · 31/12/2008 12:51

Loulou well said. When my DH started this job they didn't open Sundays so we were guaranteed to have him home Saturday night. Also any BH weeks he only had to work 3 nights instead of 4. Now they "don't recognise" BHs and have instead added them to the holiday entitlement. Great except they can't fit all the holidays in (because you can only have so many people off) so DH ends up with a week in November and a week in another cold month while I'm at work and the kids are at school.

brimfull · 31/12/2008 13:19

sorry have only read OP but yes being in the retail trade is sometimes a bummer
we have 3 shops and dh works really hard 12 days a minimum
but tbh I am glad he's busy atm
I would be worried if he wasn't

conniedescending · 01/01/2009 20:02

philmassive - I was merely trying to suggest that you would find the situation easier to bear if you accepted it rather than fighting against it.

When my DH ws a firefighter he often worked xmas eve through to boxing day evening and we didn't see him at all. There is no way I would plan something with the children that needed his involvement if he was not going to be there.

No need for the sarcasm

nowwearefour · 01/01/2009 20:04

i thought lots of people had something in common with me - my dh goes out shopping lots in the sales so i felt i was a retail widow!! but clearly not as serious as your issue. i guess in current climate we are all thankful if our partners are willing/ able to work. my dhs job has downsides though not in retail.....but horrible when you want/need them aroun and they cant be there

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