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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Please help me.... is this a crush

22 replies

mieow · 19/03/2003 22:30

7 years ago,when I was 16, I had a massive crush on a guy that I worked with, I was with my now DH at the time so we never became more than good friends. We kissed once, that was it. There was always a huge chemisty between us but we never acted on it. I haven't seen him in 3 years since I left, but yesterday I saw him in town. My heart flipped and I had butterflies in my tummy. He hugged me and kissed my cheek, and I melted, as I did so many times before. I haven't been able to get him out of my mind.
My relationship with DH has turned sour in the previous months, we are aguring all the time, and I know that I don't 'love' him like that anymore.
About 5 years ago, I tried to finish my relationship as my feeling for this man were so strong. I told DH why and he said that I couldn't throw away our marriage over a feeling. We have tried, I know he loves me tons but I simply don't feel the same anymore.
If I finish my relationship with DH, I will be left with 3 children, 2 with disablilities. Dh is a great dad, has always worked, and provided for us, and I know he will not let me go without a fight.
4 years ago we split up, he went and spelt with someone else and he then realised that he wanted me but now I don't want him, I want this other person.
Please help

OP posts:
mieow · 19/03/2003 22:46

sorry that meant to be slept with someone else

OP posts:
breeze · 20/03/2003 07:51

I always think your first love/crush will always be special. I also had a crush on someone that I worked with, I remember seeing him years later (while I was with DH)and I remember that I felt like I was 18 again. So I do not think that feelings you are describing are not common, however I knew that I would never do anything about it because I love DH and do not want anyone else.

I really do sympathise with your situation, all relationships go through rough patches and even my DH and I have come close to splitting up ages ago.

I do hope that your situation sorts itself out.

mieow · 20/03/2003 10:47

He makes me feel like a teenager again. I wish that I could tell him how I feel, but that means admitting that my relationship is dead.
Dh and I have had a lot to deal with in 7 years but I wish that I had finished it 5 years ago, like I intented to, I feel that I have settled down too young (i'm 24 now) and that I haven't had much of a life. DH is my 3rd sexual partner, my 1st was a long term boyf, 2nd was a fling (we only did it about 3 times) and now DH.
If i tell this man how I feel, he will proberbly say he doesn't feel the same, but if he does then I am putting myself into tempation.
This morning hasn't been good, we have been aguring and bickering. DH tried to put his arm around me and I hated it.
He has no hygience, smokes all the time, so smells like an ashtray and thinks by say "come on then" will get me in the 'mood'
We have sex once a month (if he's lucky) and I can go without for longer. He sulks if I say no.
I have grown up a lot in the last 5 years but he still is acting like a teenager. He HAD to have a little sporty car (like all his single friends) drives like ass, and annoys the hell out of me.
I think seeing this other person has made me really think about our relationship.
I am not happy, DH says he is, whether that is true is another matter.
Oh well.........

OP posts:
breeze · 20/03/2003 11:01

I hope you get some more advice from other mumsnetter, If you are 100% certain you do not love your dh, then I believe splitting is in your best interest, IMO I do believe with staying toegther for the sake of the children, but however saying that I know it can be hard, I have a friend in a relationship where there are not suited and wants to leave, but enjoys the luxury of a nice house, car, holidays etc etc, so she makes the best of a back situation.

Good luck

mixedup · 20/03/2003 11:13

I cannot offer any advice as I an sort of in the same boat as you but can offer my empathy, you are not alone in the way you feel it happens to a lot of us. Please read the early stages of the 'almost made a huge mistake' thread and you will see what i mean. Ignore the later bits if you want because it has escalated into cyber flirting, but the early bits offer great advice from others that are in a similar position to your own.

mum2toby · 20/03/2003 11:23

Mixedup - shame on you for trying to recruit more women!

On a serious note Mieow - I've been there and the feeling is AMAZING, but I think it probably is little more than a crush or lust and a whole lot of 'wanting what you can't have'.

My advice to you is to try to stay away from this man you are deeply attracted to. If you tell him how you feel and he doesn't feel the same you will be devastated and if he does feel the same, do the feelings run deep enough for you to leave DH for him?? Would he offer you that sort of committment?? You could end up on your own.

However, if you really feel that way toward DH then you need to leave him, but do it for YOU not for a another man..... out of the frying pan into the fire, to coin a phrase.

Good Luck!!
And it does make you feel like a teenager again doesn't it?? That tummy-flipping feeling.... sweaty palms... stuttering as you speak to them. >sigh

mieow · 20/03/2003 15:17

Lol mum2toby!!!
I have spoken to DH today, omitting some details (other man) as I haven't actually done anything wrong so there is no need for DH to know about him. I told him that I am unhappy and have fallen out of love with him and have felt this way for a while now. He isn't really willing to listen to me, doesn't want to give up easily etc. If I didn't have the kids then I would walk out myself but I can't leave my kids or my house as all their special needs equiment is here.
Oh men.......... why are they so annoying!!!!!!!! can't live with them, can't live without them

OP posts:
mum2toby · 20/03/2003 15:35

Well Done Mieow and very brave of you!! Hope it works out. He'll have to listen to you in the end.

mieow · 20/03/2003 15:52

Thank you thank you!!!!!!!!!!!
Seriously........ I don't know if this man would even have me, as I said there is a chemisty between us, and he makes me go all weak at the knees (something DH hasn't done in ages!!!) I get all clammy and yes, I start to stutter when I talk to him, he has very intense eye contact with me, but I think he is enjoying the single life at the mo. I don't have a phone no. in fact i don't even know where is he living now..... I know where he works, but its in London.... so I don't think that I'll be hopping onto the train just to see him.

its funny tho, coz when I saw my 1st boyf about 3 years after we had split up, I hid!!!!!!!! I hated him for breaking my heart!!!

But with this man, I have to talk to him as I am so attacted to him. He was a great mate and I can't just walk past him.

I sound like a heartless bitch I know.... DH has been great, he put up with me when I had PND, has worked and provided for us, but I have always wondered what would have happened if I had started seeing this man instead?
OMG........I have butterflies again!!!!!!!!! Just the thought of him makes me buckle!!!!!

OP posts:
mum2toby · 20/03/2003 16:17

Just BE CAREFUL though!!! You could end up with your heart broken all over again!!!

mieow · 20/03/2003 16:20

I think I need to sort out my marriage before I even think about what to do with the other man. I can always dream anyway

OP posts:
mixedup · 20/03/2003 17:35

You sound just like me mieow. Hope you get what you want.

mieow · 20/03/2003 20:48

I knew this would happen....... DH wasn't willing to talk about it earlier, thinks that everything will be ok.... he has sulked all day, making out evrything fine... when I know its not.

OP posts:
mixedup · 20/03/2003 20:52

He will have to face it sooner or later and its up to you (ifyou want to) to push the point, which i know is very hard to do, maybe he thinks you will change your mind if he sticks his head in the sand.

mieow · 21/03/2003 07:24

I slept with DD in her triple bunkbed last night, I couldn't even bear to be in the same bed as him, this is getting bad

OP posts:
lou33 · 21/03/2003 12:09

Oh mieow your postings make me so sad.

I only know you from reading your comments on other threads, but I do tend to pick up on yours, probably because we both have children with cp.
Please feel free to totally ignore anything I have to say, but this is how I see your situation.

You are 24 and have 3 (?) children, the first 2 having cp. Having one child with a disability is hard enough, but 2 must be very stressful, and you had them when still young (compared to me). There are bound to be times when you wonder where your life went, and sometimes this is all you can think about. It's a round of physio, appointments, physical exertion, major planning, and there just never seems to be any fun, just one long round of drudgery. You want to discover new and exciting things to do depsite the love you have for your children, because that is not enough to keep you going, you need more.

Things are going downhill with you and dh at the moment which makes you think of other pastures even more , and then you bump into this guy. All the feelings you used to have for him have come back and suddenly you feel like you used to and you like it. So it is making you question everything about your life and if you are really happy.

The problem is that these feelings for the other man are based on how you felt for him all those years ago, when things were possibly less difficult, and there was more to look forward to.

I don't want to be brutal with you, but have you stopped to think if this guy would consider having a relationship with you in the situation you are now? You and dh love your children there is no question of that, but how would you feel if this new man rejected them? It's hard enough to cope with our own children with a disabliity, could he cope with someone elses? There's not a lot of excitement in childcare at the best of times. Would these feelings you have for him still be there if you were living a real life that included him? I don't need to tell you how people react to children like ours, you have seen it first hand I know. All I am saying is that your feelings for him are not based in this life you have now, so before you do anything about it, please have a long hard think .

If you are truly unhappy with dh and nothing will fix that, then I agree that you should leave him for yourself, but don't jump from one relationship straight into to another. Take some time to decide what you need and be happy with that choice.

I know nothing has happened with this man yet, and you don't strike me as someone who would act first and think later, but I just wanted to let you know I have been thinking about you. Take care and best wishes.

mieow · 22/03/2003 01:30

HI all, things are getting bad..... Today was my mum and dads 25th wedding anniversary party.........he sulked all evening, we left early because I can't bear to see his sulky face for much longer. He wants to talk now.......... it 01:17.... he has gone to get some food from Tescos (in case you were all wondering. )

I know that this other person wouldn't commite to me but at the moment all I can think about is my relationship with DH. It is making me unhappy.

Lou33, you're right, I suppose, in saying that I feel that my life has taking a turn for the worse. I don't hate my kids, but I do wonder how different life would be, if they weren't in it. That sounds horrible I know.

I want to be alone...... I have asked DH to move into his mums for a few days as I need space. I need time to myself to think about it all.

OP posts:
lou33 · 22/03/2003 13:40

It doesn't sound awful, just honest mieow. I think it is only natural to stop and wonder how things could have been. I think though that if anything happened to one of them your real feelings would come through. It's obvious you love your children from other postings, you just don't want your life to be only about them.

I can't offer any advice about your husband,as I haven't been in your situation, but I do hope you manage to come to a resolution and will be happy with your decision.

Caroline5 · 22/03/2003 16:49

mieow, I'm sorry things have turned out this way for you and dh. I do agree with lou's post on Friday, though. The stress of having disabled children can add much extra strain to a relationship. Are your current feelings towards dh perhaps a kind of anger/bitterness at the way your life has turned out at your young age (makes me sound geriatric), you feel restricted by your situation and so the grass looks greener elsewhere? Sorry if this seems obvious or I've spoken out of turn.

Although I haven't been there, starting a new relationship with children involved, let alone those with special needs, must be incredibly difficult.

Sorry, got to go, dd1 is complaining she is starving! Hope things work out for the best for you soon.

mieow · 30/03/2003 23:50

Well, things are better. We have sorted out everything so much he wants another baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have said NO!!
He is being great with helping with the kids and cleaning up.
I think that all those feelings were a throw back from my teenage years.

OP posts:
lou33 · 31/03/2003 14:52

I'm really glad you have sorted things out mieow, I have been wondering. I agree that it might not be the best time to consider having another baby though, just enjoy what you have right now .

mum2toby · 31/03/2003 15:09

Glad to hear it Mieow!! dp and I are getting on ok just now too. Those feelings are SO intense they can only be temporary and abit of a novelty. When reality kicks in you know who you want share your life with.

You've made a wise decision, but don't go having anymore babies yet!!!!

And long may it continue with dh.

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