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[ljwolfe2]

I want to leave my partner. I've realised I don't love him anymore. The problem is we have a mortgage together and I am not sure that the council would be able to provide me and my two year old with housing. Would they refuse me because my name is on the mortgage? I do not have the funds to go into private housing. My family can't help as they all have their own lives and anyway they do not have the room to be able to provide me and my son with a roof over our heads. I feel stuck in this relationship and I need to get out.

they wont refuse as your name is on the mtg, but they will want to see your name taken off in a certain period of time.

You can still leave someone and live in the same house until it is sold or you come to some kind of arrangement RE finances. You need to keep paying the mortgage whatever happens. so long as you are strong enough and he is not abusive in anyway could you stay there until things get sorted? What is your situation?

I don't want to sound greedy but I don't want to take my name off the deeds because I feel that I worked hard, if not harder, than my partner to get the deposit in the first place. In addition, my mum gave us a large chunk of money towards the deposit. I can't buy him out and I can't afford to pay it myself. I think I am just going to have to walk away.

He's not physically abusive but I would say that he can be abusive emotionally. That is to say that he tends to put me down alot and disregards my point of view.

How does he feel about the relationship? Is he aware of how unhappy you are?

He must be. Put it this way we have slept in seperate rooms for the last four months. I've avoided a confrontation because he has a foul temper. He wouldn't touch me physically but he stomps about and slams doors and it makes me think what a bloody twat! He constantly critizies everything i do or say and I've got to the stage where I really have begun to hate him. Yes I know I should tell him how I feel but I don't want my little boy subjected to arguments and bad feelings.

You CAN split up and stay in the same house until it's sold, but it's tough. I did, and my Ex was a bastard at times, emotionally. However you do have a child and I guess this makes things really difficult.

How likely is it that he will be surprised or unreasonable if you talk to him about splitting up?

Beanieb, I don't think he will be surprised but I would think he will be unreasonable. For all his faults he is a good dad and for that reason alone I don't think he will want to split up. I think the best thing to do is get christmas out of the way and then I need to tell him that I want to leave. I say this because I don't think it will do my son much good, and me, to stay in the same house if we aren't together. So long as we have somewhere to go I can get through christmas.

I was fortunate enough to not have children with my ex so can only advise while not knowing the difficulties children thrown into the equation that might bring.

I would try the council just incase you are wrong about them not being able to re-house you.

as a first step, but also hopefully someone will post who knows more about your possible options

can you ask him to leave?

I think you should get some legal advice about the house: just walking away and losing the money you put in is not reasonable or fair on you. Could he afford to buy you out, for instance?

How are things today? So long as you continue to pay the mortgage you will still have a right to half the equity if you sell and to live there.

When I split with my ex (It was my decision) I was as blunt and forceful about it as I could be and made it clear this is what was going to happen. I was going to buy him out at one point but it would have left me in a place I no longer wanted to be and with a much higher mortgage. We decided to sell in the end.

Like Solidgold says, walking away is not fair on you so you need to find out what your options are. Could you speak to the mortgage company? Though I think talking to your OH first is an option as long as you can stay strong about the path you want to take.

bumping this for you in the hope someone else has advice about the council etc.

Oh - and if you haven't you should speak to your family. Even though they have their own lives you might be surprised by the help they may offer.

Cheers for all your replies. Yesterday was the first time I have joined this site and posted a message. The support is great. Things are the same today as always. Yes my child is my partners. I can't afford to pay the mortgage as I am not working at the mo. I don't think he could afford to buy me out, wish he could. I've returned to education and just applied for university, so if I am accepted the course is for three years. So I won't have much cash so defo can't afford to pay the mortgage.