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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

So how do you survive Xmas when the ex is coming for the day?

52 replies

aseriouslyblondemoment · 23/12/2008 15:42

So am i really the only one who is tired of hearing 'that its all for the childrens'sake'....

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aseriouslyblondemoment · 24/12/2008 11:30

oh lordy seriously chortling at some of these posts now!!am already cheering up with thoughts of senna lol!!

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FairyTaleEnding · 24/12/2008 13:10

Similarly, I know the DCs will love having their dad around on Christmas Day, but it is all a bit grit-your-teeth-and-get-on-with-it. Thankfully my mum isn't treating him like Golden Boy, though - don't know how I'd cope with that. In fact, this Christmas won't be too different from previous ones as I'll be the one in the middle refereeing! But at least, hopefully, he won't be able to be rude to her as is his wont ...

Like the idea of slipping something into his coffee, though!

Oh dear, it does slightly ruin the spirit of Christmas. Good luck to all of you, hope you get through it and see you on the other side!

LiffeyanFiaRua · 24/12/2008 13:27

Wow, you're very civilised. It'll be twenty years before I attempt this.

aseriouslyblondemoment · 24/12/2008 13:32

er me too!!

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ratbunny · 24/12/2008 21:28

oh God. x came over tonight to put ds to bed and gave me all sorts of grief about tomorrow. I said he could have him til 9 - 11.30 round his, but that wasnt ok either. Turns out he wants to spend all day as a family. But we arent a family anymore.
so when I told him mum is coming over he hated that. But I need her there 1) to make sure he isnt aggressive and 2) to remind me we arent a family anymore.

I am sorry, but it really hurts still to do family things together. He wants to be friends, but I really cant after all the shit he has put me through. I am not stopping him from seeing ds onchristmas day, I just am not letting him stay the whole day - that's reasonable isnt it?

sayithowitis · 24/12/2008 23:25

Yes.

ratbunny · 24/12/2008 23:30

hopefully that was to me?
thanks.
he makes me feel so unreasonable somehow, but 5 solicitors cant be wrong can they..

ninah · 24/12/2008 23:40

ratbunny you are reasonable
more than
know you have been dreading all this, take it easy OK? would give you virtual hug but rejected dismally on another thread

ChasingSquirrels · 24/12/2008 23:42

nooo, it wasn't rejected , just meant I wasn't posting asking for a string of hugs.

Ratebunny - yes thats reasonable.

ratbunny · 24/12/2008 23:45

the best bit of advice was from solidgoldstuffingballs - see them as a family member you dont like . totally true.
he is trying to get me to not get my mum over at 10, but fuck how he feels tbh. I need her there, so she will be there. love her

ninah · 24/12/2008 23:45

15 mins

ninah · 24/12/2008 23:45

me too ratbunny, me too

ratbunny · 24/12/2008 23:47

I am actually so excited tonight, knowing ds will get his pressies tomorrow. It is everything I can do to not wake him up to open them....

ninah · 24/12/2008 23:52

ah, that's nice
don't do it though!
only just wrapped mine
got midnight mass on and wine

ratbunny · 24/12/2008 23:54

yeah, me too - midnight mass and wine.
old traditions die hard

its strangely comforting, all that slow singing..
and I always opened a pressie after midnight mass as a kid, so no reason I cant do it now.

ninah · 24/12/2008 23:59

I like your spirit!
you do seem a v brave positive person. Your ex is a complete banana.
But you will do the right thing. And it will get easier.
And I don't mean the pressies.

ratbunny · 25/12/2008 00:02

thanks. something just 'clicked' and I can deal with it - look at other threads I am on for clues why!

yeah, the future is bright! and christmassy!
happy christmas!!!

ninah · 25/12/2008 00:04

man - I'll look tomorrow. Doesn't involve rope climbing I hope
lol
Happy Christmas ratbunny x
or the alpha course

Pinkchampagne · 25/12/2008 18:18

Had an awful day and lost it with my parents.

Dropdeadfred · 25/12/2008 19:32

oh no PC - what happened????

Pinkchampagne · 26/12/2008 11:31

They made me so angry. I was tired too, which makes my fuse lots shorter. I am probably in shame today, but hey ho!

I did the normal family thing for my boys sake. Ex h wasn't too bad, but my BIL was finding amusement in running me down all day. It may have been his humour, but I didn't find it funny. One of his best comments was how being married to me has probably been enough to turn ex h gay! (he is not gay btw!) He said this in front of ex h & I didn't find it amusing at all. He also ran down my DP, who just yesterday bought them both a nice bottle of champagne (after meeting them only twice) to celebrate my sister's pregnancy announcement. BIL hasn't even thanked him, the arse!

Anyway, that had all wound me up, but I hadn't yet lost it, but later DS1 (who admittedly was pretty tired & grumpy too), spoke to me really badly. Ex h (who was in another room having a lie down) heard this, came into the room & took his ds from him, saying "don't ever let me hear you talk to mummy like that again"
He tried to get DS to lie down as he was tired & grouchy, but DS went downstairs crying to my mum, who cuddled him & said to me "he is really upset & it is Christmas day", then both her & my dad started wagging their fingers at me in front of ds & accused me of strirring with their dad. I hadn't done a thing - I was in another room & ex h heard DS from the room he was in, but they couldn't possibly pin any blame on him! Also, they are our children & if we feel they need disciplining on Christmas day or any other chuffing day, then it is up to us as parents! I also felt she was undermining me in front of the boys & everyone else, so I exploded quite badly, got myself a taxi & told them I wasn't coming back. I am now totally in shame for making a scene on Christmas day, but I haven't apologised & I won't!

Pinkchampagne · 26/12/2008 11:34

I probably wouldn't have exploded quite so badly if I hadn't been so tired, but I still don't feel I was in the wrong. Bloody family! Last year they upset me & again this year, so next year I am not bothering!

aseriouslyblondemoment · 26/12/2008 12:19

oh god how awful for you how are you feeling today?
Mine was pretty crap too i tried very hard but failed miserably probably due to the fact that my 'well meaning' mother had also asked exh to stay the night too!!

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Pinkchampagne · 26/12/2008 12:41

Oh no! Hope she wasn't expecting you to share a bed too!! My ex stayed at my parents house both Christmas Eve & last night & he is staying at my sister's tonight. I have been staying at my own house though!

I am feeling a little better today thanks. I am still angry, but not in floods of tears anymore. Not seeing the family today at all. I am going to DP's sister's house with him today & leaving my family to it. I feel I have more than done my bit there! Christmas can be a right stressful time can it not? All this family stuff is just too much!

aseriouslyblondemoment · 27/12/2008 14:48

No thank goodness!!exh hung around til late-ish last night then left saying goodbye to everybody except me lol!but he had told my ds1 that he was going as mummy obviously didnt want him there!
I'm glad to hear that you're feeling better and hope that you can enjoy the rest of the holiday with your dp.
I will definately not be going through that ordeal again!!

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