Infidelity....quick straw poll plse....

[robin3]

If a woman made a play for your partner in quite a big way....you suspected for ages and your partner brushed it off as your being a crazy banshee.

Then you found a flirty text from her, responded on his behalf and this led to her having to tell her husband about the text but no more. Husband was shocked and apologised on behalf of the wife. She also apologised by text. Partner had to admit that he'd been enjoying the attention.

BUT, this couple were embedded in your daily life and you couldn't do anything about it....(still following???)

As the woman scorned would you...

1. leave it & say nothing,
2. be civil next time you saw her,
3. try to tell her the trouble that she caused because that might make the situation real for her and make her wake up,
4. make it clear that you hold them both to blame (after all the text had a tone that suggested he would not be surprised to receive it IYSWIM),
5. kill her,
6. go out of your way to be nice to smooth over???????

Think the desire for woman scorned is to inflict pain on lady in question without lowering herself.

At work debating so plse join in.

Thanks

none of the above, I would smile smugly, one that says , the cat that got the cream.

"Woman scorned" is also the responder to the text?

I think "woman scorned" has made her point (particularly as text-sender's husband is now on the case) and should leave it there (ie 1, and actually 2 as well). Text-sender will be more wrong-footed by 1 & 2 than anything else - ie, will be expecting more & won't know quite what to do if there is no comeback at all.

If, being so wrong-footed, text-sender tries to raise stuff with woman scorned, then woman scorned has secured the high ground & can decide to say stuff if she feels like it.

I think I would let her know that I'm on to her and that all bets are off as to how you'd react.

Can't stand flirts.

I'd also say if she wants to continue a friendship she needs to communicate via you and text you, NOT your husband.

Also let your husband know you wont put up with that crap.

If she is genuinely sorry then she would be more than happy to please.

I'd say the intent is there with that woman so you need to nip it in the bud - and tell your partner what an idiot he is and to stop thinking with his nether regions and use his brain instead.

Is she a friend?
If one of my friends was floosying around Dp she wouldn't have the chance to do it again, she would no longer be my friend.
I wouldn't kick off though, I'd just say something to the point and harsh enough for her to realise she was a twat and then never mention it again.

Sorry meant to say that although maybe your partner enjoyed the attention, he was probably didn't realise the full extent of how dangerous these kinds of flirtations can be.

I personally would leave it and say nothing ac you have made your point already. I expect she feels embarressed about the fact that she got caught and has to see you and your DH regulary anyway.

Woman is a recent friend of the partner, not the woman scorned...although she does try to be a friend to woman scorned.

Woman scorned was the responder to the text...she saw red and just let the sender know that she has received it and not DP.

Why is the DH friends with this woman?
AFAIC they have crossed some form of boundary, flirty texts are over the line IMO, but then I know DP would feel the same way too so for us it would be A Big Thing and the other person would no longer be in our life unless necessary.

Sons of both couples are friends so can not cut ties....mums don't really cross paths but one mum and one dad do IYSWIM.

Does partner know he received this text, and has woman scorned asked HIM what HE intends to do about it?

If I was woman scorned, I'd be looking to end friendship (but then I'm insecure).

Yes he knows and could see it looked bad and then felt a little sorry for sender as her husband happened to be there at the time, and she obviously panicked and told him resulting in his writing a text in apology.

Why should he feel sorry for the sender?

Stupid woman I'm glad she was caught.

Let her feel ashamed. She should be.

I would never text another persons husband with a flirty message. With intent or not.

Not many woman would like their partner husband receiving messages like that - it's just not on.

"woman scorned?"

On what planet?

Noone owns anyone else.

I would not think highly of a woman who took her husband's phone and managed his ( not even necessarily unwelcome, flirtatious )texts from the flirtatious one

or to put it better, if a wonman made a play for my husband I would assume HE would deal with it.

I would not stick my nose in or attempt to manage the situation myself.

Heck for all you know your dh might be up for it.

Thanks for your thoughts.

that was quite difficult to follow, but I think I understand it

robin3, if this was my DP I would make sure he gives the woman the very clear message she needs to back the fuck off

if he didn't do that, or seemed reluctant, I would be worried about my marriage

don't do any more for him, this is no longer a friendship that can be further pursued IMO

as far as the woman is concerned, when you see her, be polite but frosty

nah none of above.

I agree with Nula.

Does sending flirty texts really equal infidelity?

No, not in my book.

You could take the view that he is attractive to other women and feel proud he is with you- and not them.

Move on- this is a storm in a teacup/mountain out of a molehill.

1. nothing