sexually frustration is making me ratty, miserable and depressed

[bettysboobs]

There are no answers to my situation but I am sooo fed up today, I just needed to share.

My hubby doesn't like sex and we rarely have sex and when we do it's rubbish. (we have talked and argued endlessly about it - we're at opposite ends of spectrum sex drive wise)

I have such a high sex drive and the lack of sex and orgasms is making me so ratty and fed up. I feel unattractive and like i'm gonna hit someone (obviously I won't!). I think I'm a man in disguise or something.

sigh.....sorry, no answers i know, I just needed to write it down.

well even if he doesn't want/need it for himslef, won't/can't he 'do' you?

Can you DIY when your DH is off the boil?

He won't 'do' me at all, he has attempted it in the past as a 'favour' to me but it is so obviously just a massive chore to him, even though he pretends it's not that it just upsets me more.

I DIY everyday and that's good but I want a man!

sorry, i sound like a spoilt brat don't i?

You do not sound like a spoilt brat.

If your DH refuses to have sex with you, get yourself a lover. You cannot live your life without sex.

You aren't a man in disguise, a woman's capacity to enjoy sex is much greater than a man's! Has it always been like this with your husband - surely at the beginning you were tearing eachother's clothes off? Why won't he see how important this is to you? There's nothing worse than being in a physically barren relationship if you don't both feel the same about it - my marriage became like that and it was soul-destroying.

Got divorced and met someone great who thinks I'm the "ultimate sex goddess" (what a laugh, I'm 50 and beginning to sag) but he loves sex as much as me. What's the rest of your relationship like? If it's good, surely you can work on this. I don't think you can live the rest of your life like this and your husband needs to appreciate that and try and meet your needs. If he can't, I think he's bloody selfish and you should either get a lover or consider whether you want to stay with him.

couples/sexual counselling?

if everything else is good then take this as a problem to be solved - you'll need to meet halfway though. And he'll need to see it as an issue to be solved too.

have experienced similar issues and our counsellor helped by suggesting we talk about how often per month we'd both be happy with sex. Knowing that we'd "get it on" at least that often helped me enormously. Counsellor also suggested I get another vibrator so I had some variety in between times.

I know a vibe isn't the same and sometimes you want a real man, but allied with the timetabling thing it might help

good luck - is horrible feeling. especially when society leads us to believe men are constantly up for it. Pah!

I know, it makes me so utterly miserable and really affects my confidence.

Sex apart, our relationship is fantastic. He is physically very affectionate, lots of cuddles and kisses and hand holding. He tells me he loves me and I look good and he's proud of me. We have 2 small children and he is an amazing father. He runs his own business, deals with all the money issues and generally runs round after me fixing anything I want doing, talking through any problems I have. We have a great group of mutual friends, a wonderful family on both sides and everything is great. I fancy him and love him so much - I can't even consider leaving him.

I have told him endlessly over the years how much our bad sex life gets me down. He agrees that he's being selfish and ignoring my needs and hurt but just says he can't 'change' and can't 'fake' a sex drive. He says he enjoys sex when we have it but could take or leave it. He said 'nothing' I do turns him on and him turning me on does nothing for him.

I have considered sex counselling for us both but I don't see how counselling can change what is basically our personality types. I'm a passionate, emotional, warm, loving person, he's a laid back, logical one.

getting a lover is an option, I have even suggested this to him and he went mad saying that if he ever found out I was having sex with someone else that he would divorce me.

He says he will 'try' and enjoy sex more and initiate it but it never happens. He might make a half hearted attempt after a row about sex but then nothing for months and months...

i don't know what to do. In every other way he is the most caring, generous, loving man but when it comes to sex he is a selfish pig!

This is a joint problem and should be treated as such. If he is not willing to address this problem (what's stopping him; shame, embarrassment) it is actually very sad and is not fair on either of you.

There is a reason/s why he is like this and he needs to be emotionally honest with you as to why. He sounds like he has an emotional "blockage" to do with sex and the causes are likely to be deeply rooted. Have you considered he may well have been sexually abused in childhood?. He may also have been told as a boy that sex was either "dirty" and or "bad". Pyschosexual counselling and sex therapy are possible ways forward here; this will not resolve itself without outside intervention.

And taking a lover won't solve anything either ; it will kill you marriage stone dead and will also solve nothing.

He should be seeking medical advice from his GP to see if there are any medical problems affecting his sex drive (e.g lack of testosterone hormone). Another option for you both is seeking the advice of a sex therapist.

At the very least both of you need to have counselling together and separately. This issue can be overcome but you both need to put the emotional graft in.

I really agree with Attila. He should check out if there are any physical causes at the doctors. And there could be deeprooted issues that counselling could greatly help with. One way to get him to go for counselling is to say that you culd get over the arguing and tension over sex. But its fair to say that dealing with deeprooted issues could be hard as it could bring stuff up that has been hidden. He sounds lovely so good luck!