Rude and selfish

[Molly100]

He is quite rude a lot of the time, we never have any intimacy and I am fed up. Last night he was even moaning because I wanted the bedroom window open. He said 'I was not normal'. What a 1st class pratt. Told me to sleep in spare room. Well I didn't, as I pointed out, I have already compromised and put the winter duvet on (even tho I don't need it). I stayed where I was. He is selfish and I am getting really fed up with his controlling behaviour. Sorry for moan, just wish I had some happiness from him.

how does anyone else manage a selfish rude partner? dont say just leave, I have small kids and am going nowhere, just want to make it better

Maybe you need to take time out for yourself.

If he is not going to change anytime soon, you need to work out how you can deal with it. To be able to do that you need to make yourself feel happy.

If that means doing a course, going out on your own without kids, having friends over etc then do it.

Bit of a wierd one but I was always told "kill em with kindness" - be really kind to him (not that you aren't already) and loving and see if it gives him any subtle hints as to how to behave back.

If not perhaps you need to tell him that it makes you feel angry/upset/hurt/unloved or whatever and suggest ways you could both make it better.

I know it's not your fault but if you say ways you can both make it better then it sounds like you are not blaming him, but trying to make it better for the both of you.

Hope this helps, this could be complete and utter rubbish but you never know

You can't change him, you can only change your reactions to him

I would suggest going to Relate. On your own if (and I will take a stab in the dark and guess this is the case) he won't go with you.

Sadly all sounds so depressingly familiar to me sorry to say.Have you a sympathetic friend who you can talk things over with it always helped for me and put alot of the crappy stuff into perspective.I know its hard but be strong focus if you can on Xmas and your dc