How can my mil leave my fil?

[leavingfil]

My mil is in a loveless marriage - her and fil go for months without speaking. She wants to leave him but has no income of her own, no assets and doesn't even drive. She is trapped.

She is nearly 60 and has been married for 38 years and has three dc; 2 of which are still living at home.

She is v depressed which is impacting on her physical health and has previously been admitted to the psych ward. She has had counselling once before which I'm trying to encourage her to take up again.

What can she do? We don't have the space to put her up here if she ever decided to leave or the money to pay for a deposit on a flat or anything.

Any help or advice would be much appreciated.

TIA

You need to get your DH (I presume her son) and his siblings to get together and discuss this, and whether they can and want to help their mother.

How old are the children still living at home?

If she divorces she will get half the assets of the family, after so many years of marriage.

Two dc still at home are 26 and 33 - I know, I know. One works, the other is on the dole.

Its all quite dysfunctional.

DH doesn't have much of a relationship with his siblings - I don't think any of them would acknowledge there is a problem - there is a history of Not Doing Anything whenever there is a problem/issue etc.

Yes, it does sound horriby dysfunctional .

Can you take your MIL to CAB for some advice?

Yes CAB is a good idea - I just want to know what she could access financially - if she could qualify for housing, benefits etc.

The thing is I don't want to be the one to be seen pushing her to do it iywsim. But she is so desperately sad - she's on the phone to me for hours in the evening going on and on.

He controls all the money - she doesn't even know how much housekeeping she's going to get every week.

If she got divorced, she'd probably have more spending money, from the sounds of it .

How big is their house? What's it worth? Do they own it outright? Would she be able to buy a nice enough little house or flat with half the proceeds?

The house is probably worth about £180k, fil bought it 30 odd years ago so I'm assuming they own it outright by now.

Would initiating divorce proceedings mean he'd have to sell the house?

If they have been married for 38 years and their children are all over 18 and independent (or ought to be...) it will be a fairly straightforward divorce, with each partner getting half the assets. The big question will be alimony to your MIL - she ought to be able to claim 50% of FIL's pension if she has been a homemaker all her life.

Do you think they have any other assets? £90 K won't buy much accommodation... though of course I don't know where they live.

The house will have to be sold unless they have sufficient other assets for MIL to be given the value of the house in cash.

Don't know - fil probably has huge stashes of money that no one knows about. I think he might have a private pension. He does have lots of antiques etc.