I just don't love him any more, for many reasons which are mainly rooted in the inequalities in our relationship. We have been married for 7 years, and have a dd who is 3 and a ds who is 1. I am the main breadwinner and work 4.5 days a week; he is a musician and has a low-paid evening job as well. He does 1.5 days childcare (and is a good dad) and I pay for nursery for the other 2.5 days and look after the dc 1 day, as well as most of the weekend when he is often working. He has been trying to establish a freelance career for 4 years, prior to which he was a student, but is making very little money and it is unreliable. I have responsibility for our finances, shopping, garden, diy, most of the housework and we share cooking.
I am tired of being financially and otherwise responsible for him, and want him to try to establish a career so that in the future we can have a better balance in our lives - including me working less and having more quality time with the kids.
We have been arguing over these issues all year - Jan was a bit of turning point as several things combined to make me see these issues as a problem. We have not succeeded in making any sustainable changes, and I'm finding it very difficult to carry on with the status quo.
We don't see much of each other as we work at different times, which I like but isn't good for our relationship. When we do spend time together (e.g. a recent night away) we have very little in common and only interact at a very superficial level, for fear of arguments. We have tried counselling but didn't get on with one counsellor and haven't managed to do Relate due to our very limited availability. We have only had sex once in the last year (on the night away) and I found it emotionally excruciating as I just wanted to run away and had to over-ride all my instincts to make myself do it.
On top of all this, all the day to day annoyances of life together seem intolerable and I just don't think I can live with him any longer. I crave my own space and hate sharing a house with him.
I know that if we do separate this won't actually make any of the issues above any easier - but at least I will be doing it for myself and my children, not a 3rd child. I have come to work this afternoon as he is at home, having come back at 2pm this afternoon after a night out last night. I feel quite despairing at the thought of going back because I'm scared of setting the wheels in motion. Any advice anyone??