thank you so much, since last friday i am now in womens refuge and seeking help

[newnamenow]

I would just like to say thank youso much for those who replied to me last week when i decided its time to do something about my situation with my partner.
I left him that day and have been placed in a refuge for the time being with dd, not ideal but its a big irreversable step so its doing us good.

I am finding it all very hard, and am still emotionalally very torn towards him but i know this is right for dd.

Dittany posted 'the warning signs of an abusive man' and although that friday was not really any different from any others regarding his behaviour, i had a sudden urge to do something.

i'm starting councelling next week, so i am really looking forward to a fresh start.. i just want to be over this bit first as it really hurts so much.

thanks ladies, i look forward to my mind being my own again!

I'm so proud of you kiddo - well done you! I avoided Dittany's thread about abusive men, because I'm not always in the mood for heavier stuff, so I missed your posts, but I remember a thread under your old name and I just wanted to whisk you out of there! I know how loyal you always are to your partner, and that is to your credit, you sound like a lovely person. However, you absolutely don't deserve to be controlled or treated with disrespect, and if he was going to be able to change he would have done by now (no spring chicken ) You have absolutely done the right thing, and I am not only admiring your bravery, but genuinely happy that you have managed to get out while your self-esteem still exists and you haven't wasted your youth while it is slowly sucked out of you...and you are setting a brilliant example to your dd: now she will grow up learning to respect herself and not see emotional abuse as her template for adult relationships.

And dittany, I'll be honest with you, you wind me up sometimes, but you played a blinder with that thread- it must be great to know something you've posted has touched and helped someone. Good on yer!

You are incredibly brave.

Well done. You'll find the refuge staff really supportive and they'll help steer you in the right direction.

Please tell them if you are feeling as if you want to return home to him etc.. (don't be embarrassed). They have experience of this happening and will be able to explain the dire results to you (because they've seen it happen and then seen the same women having to try and get back into a refuge).

You'll get used to living alone (well you're never actually alone when you've got kids are you?) But soon it'll feel like you've been given a new lease of life!

thanks mistletoe, that was a really lovely message.

I have been out tonight with a friend i have known my whole life and sadly have heardly seen since meeting my partner. we had such a great time, talking about old times, she is newly single too and she has really cheered me up and we are both looking forward to big plan next year together.. lots of girlie nights in and soap watching together. i missed all of those little things, and i am just too young to have given up my life to someone like him. i have had every aspect of it closely monitored and tailored to meet his needs and i cant wait to be my own person again.

today is a good day, i am just dreading the bad ones.. i dont seem to have much control at the moment.

critter -you are absolutely right about the ladies who work at the refuge too, its amazing how clued up they are. i really thought dp was unique but they seem to almost finish my sentences for me because they has seen it so often before. One lady has said something to me which has really helped me come to terms with the seriousness and that is that i should treat my feelings for dp like an addiction, he is bad for me and i have been made to feel dependant on him.. i just need to go cold turkey for a while. strange concept but very true.

i miss him like crazy, but tonight have met a couple of people from my old life who i really miss and that has made me realise how important it is for me to stay on this track

Well done, I know you don't feel it right now, but you are an incredibly brave woman x

well done newname - all the best for your new life xx

It really is incredible isnt it, when you first realise how alike they are! That book extract was a complete description of my ex too.

Oh well done, newname! Really, really well done.

Dittany, that's quite something to have inspired someone to do. Brilliant, I'm proud to be on MN.

good luck to you with your new life. my friend went in a refuge with her kids several years back - she now has a job she loves, nice home and lovely 2nd husband and 2 more kids - the only way is up.

thank you all so much, i only just checked those messages.

i feel really strong until i hear from him and then i just crumble.. i think changeing my number is the next big step. thanks so much for your comments. i cant wait to look back on this horrible time and to stop having such strong feelings for someone who is so clearly wrong for me.

I think changing your number asap is a must, keep being strong it's the best feeling ever to be free forever!

Well done!!