how do you talk to someone who just won't talk?

[MamaChris]

am trying to change access arrangements with ds's dad. when I brought it up last weekend, he just said no, turned red and stopped speaking (even to ds!). Wouldn't say a word when I asked him to talk about why he was upset. I need to bring it up again this weekend, but how can I persuade him to talk? ds is only 10mo. we need to learn to communicate to be able to parent him for the next 17+ years. any ideas for how can I persuade him to talk to me?

Hi,

I'm wondering why he didn't want to broach the subject at all. Are you trying to reduce his access?

Perhaps a long email or letter would be better then he can take his time to think about his reply. Turning red can be from embarrassment, feeling small, or anger - not knowing much about your relationship it would be hard to assume the right approach as his emotion isn't clear IYSWIM?

Can you write him a very carefully worded letter that he can mull over? He obviously finds this subject very emotional, so might deal with it better by thinking it over on his own, not face to face.

I agree, a letter or txt might be better. This is now how I communicate with my Ex and it works much better. Face to face always ended in huge rows or the silent treatment!

I wouldn't bother trying to persuade him to talk if it's evident that he really doesn't want to.

could try an email. in the past he has just ignored these too though (not about access, just about anything he doesn't want to talk about). I really want us to be able to talk - how else will we make shared decisions about ds? But I guess if he won't, I'll try the email. Thanks - it's at least a plan B, which I didn't have before.

[ background: not trying to reduce his access, but concentrate it on fewer days - while I've been on maternity leave, he's seen ds 5/6 weekend days every 4 weeks. now I'm going back to work full time, I would like him to come 1 day/weekend, but a longer day, so same total hours, which is what (I understood) we had originally planned. this means we each get a day with ds every week. ]