Dont know how to be like we use to before baby

[jadey24]

Since having dd 5 months ago my feelings towards dh have changed drastically.
I knew having a baby would put a strain on or marriage but i never expected it to be this bad.

dh is trying his hardest and is still or tries to be intimate but i have completly withdrawn from him in every way possible. Emotinally, mentally and sexually.
Its almost as if those feelings i had before dd was born for him have just gone and i dont know how i feel anymore.
I mean i dont know if its my hormones or if i have changed as a person now i am a mother and that has changed how i feel for him.

I feel i love him but i question myself if i love him enough. I dont even know the anwser.
I snap at him ALL THE TIME. I cant help it. Its not like me.
He tries so hard to make me happy and do to please me but i am just a sad misery and have even told him to leave me coz he would be better off without being with a horrible and ungreatful person like me coz thats i feel coz he is SO GOOD to me. Too good maybe.

I am very stressed out right now. A lot was going on just before dd was born and since.
We got married when i was 8 months gone and we were still living with our parents at time and moved in together when dd was 3 weeks old so that was a load of stress.
Sometimes i think we did rush it.

Before baby we had a great r.ship. Had a laugh but we dont anymore. He tries to lighten mood but its just me.

I dont even know what is wrong with me which makes me think it is my hormones.

Did anyone else feel differently towards their partner after a baby and got things back on track again?

have you considered pnd? xxx

I am starting to wonder but i question myself and tell myself it dont sound like pnd when i read the symptoms but in a way at least i would have an answer for my feelings

I have to admit that after the birth of both my children and while I was breastfeeding in the first 6 months, I lost my sex drive totally. I always look at it as nature's way of ensuring you don't get pregnant again quickly!!

It is so, so hard to get used to a new baby - to adjust to there being 3 of you rather than 2. I always find that the overwhelming love you feel for a newborn so overshadows any other emotion that you start questioning your love for others.

I would suggest go easy on yourself. A hell of a lot has happened in your life - you got married, you had a baby, and that's not including all the other things you mentioned - house move etc.. And on top of that, you're probably bloody knackered.

I would suggest sitting down with your DH and explaining how you feel (although dont tell him that you dont love him anymore!), apologise for being a cow (!) and ask him to be patient with you. Tell him your hormones are all over the place (which they are)

I think things will get better by themselves but in the meantime, try and do things as a family, make sure you get out and about, make time for each other (any chance of a night out for example if you can get a babysitter, obviously easier if you are ff rather than bf). After having DS2, I used to make a mental note to myself to give DP a hug/kiss even if I didnt really feel like it.

I also see no harm in mentioning your feelings to your GP or HV - they can and will help you if they feel it's necessary.

Good luck xxx

Good advice from both posters. FWIW, my DH & I had the biggest row we have ever had after DS2 was born - we'd really drifted apart in a few short months and it was scary. He wasn't telling me things because he could see how tired and stressed I was, I hadn't even got space to consider him.

We had a big long talk and realised that we were both knackered, stressed, trying our best to hold it together but missing the mark for each other - and we just decided to give each other a night a week. We tried to get babysitters when possible but if not just had a takeaway/nice cooked meal and an early night. We banned all conversation about babies and just focused on each other - sometimes seemingly quite contrived things like loooking through our wedding albums/holiday pics, but things that triggered conversations about US, rather than kids.

It really helped and although it was an effort at first, we started to to enjoy our time together after a few weeks and now we are fiercely protective of our 'date nights' and make sure they go in the calendar before anything else.

I'm sure it's just a natural stage you are going through but it is well worth making the effort to preserve what you have/had as it it frighteningly easy to lose it in the sea of nappies & knackeredness. It's amazing how much easier it become sthough once you get a couple of months of weaned baby and more sleep - suddenly you do have that physical and emotional energy to giver to your DH.

Just try to keep the lines of communication open until you can put into words how it has been for you both and then move on together- good luck.

agree with previous posters. having a baby is like the relationship being hit by a truck! All I can say is it does get easier. It is so tiring and time consuming, it's not something people can grasp before they become parents. You wonder where it's all gone. but it does come back, very gradually. As others suggested, just keep talking. If nothing else, try to stay civil and affectionate and treat your DH as nicely as a colleague or housemate, just try to be gentle and polite, until you feel like you can be loving and energetic!