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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is my mother being unreasonable?

7 replies

StripeyKnickersSpottySocks · 17/12/2008 16:08

She and dad split up 5 years ago and I have provided God knows how much support both emotinal and practical to her since. I'm sure she's depressed but she won't go and see a Dr.

So yesterday she rings up (on her mobile)sobbing down the phone, totally hysterical - 'cos her landline isn't working. Begs me to go round. So I drop everything and go straight there. She's annoyed as I can't make the phone work. She was hoping I'd fix it before the BT enginner man comes round today and will charge £80 if the fault's on her side.

I tell her again to see her GP about antidepressents or at the very least counselling. She said "I don't need a counsellor, I need to talk to you when I have a problem but you're too busy". I pointed out I'm not prepared to listen to her slag my dad off. She denyed doing this which is crap.

Then she asks me to help set her new laptop up. I spend some time fiddling with it but have never seen MS Vista before so am clueless. She is better with computers than me but expects people to do everything for her. I had to leave as was due at hospital to see m dad who's been there for weeks. She had a strop saying "leave me to struggle with it then, etc".

She rang up today to say she's finally sold the house and has found a bungalow to move into. The bungalow will be (a lot) smaller then current house and she's worried about space. I pointed out my dad is too ill to clear the loft so I will have to do it. I told her that dad said its all junk in the loft so we'll get a skip and bin it. No thanks for me offerring to do this. Bt she says its not all junk and there are carpets in the loft from a previous house that she wants to take.

She then said that she plans to take the carpets from this house to the bungalow (they're leaving their carpets). I said I thought that was daft and its extra work and stress. How on earth does she intend to get the carpets up before the removal me come when the rooms are full of furniture? She then said she expects me to do it and went on about how unhelpful I am, etc. She is mad isn't she wanting to tae the carpets? Never mind expecting me to do so much and being so ungrateful. I work and have my own family and she expects me to run round afetr her and then squeals if I don't and throws it in my face that if DD is ill she will have her so I can go to work.

OP posts:
unavailable · 17/12/2008 16:17

You sound as if you have alot on your plate. Your mum is clearly over reliant on you, and behaving in a very immature way (trying to guilt trip you at every turn.)

I think you need to reduce the level of support you are providing, as she is likely to become more and more demanding. Does she have other family/ a network of friends? Do you have any siblings?

Dropdeadfred · 17/12/2008 16:21

i feel for you - has she no friends???

tell her that by taking all the carpet she may find the buyers will demand a reduction as they have seen it carpeted...?

Myrrhcy · 17/12/2008 16:26

How old is your mum?

StripeyKnickersSpottySocks · 17/12/2008 16:46

She's 67. She hasn't really got any friends as to be honest she's not a very nice person and people soon realise and back off. I've got one brother but he lives 200 miles away.

OP posts:
Myrrhcy · 17/12/2008 16:52

Has she always been as demanding as this or is a new thing/got worse?

(btw my mum is 68 and has become a bit unreasonable in the last couple of years - in a different way though)

Carmenere · 17/12/2008 16:54

Tell her to behave herself or you will have her sectioned.

StripeyKnickersSpottySocks · 17/12/2008 17:15

She's always been highly strung, its got worse since she and my dad split.

I've actually enquired about getting her sectioned. . Seriously. Her GP said there is nothing he can do, she needs to come and admit she has a problem. This was afetr she attacked my dad one nght and stabbed him, but dad didn't press charges unfortunately. A few years ago I did seriously think she was bipolar, she seems to have calemd down a bit since then but is still very stressed and flies off the handle easily.

OP posts:
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