When you love someone who doesn't love you

[alloutofcrazy]

It's more complicated obviously but just need to hear that I will start to feel better,because at the moment just feel numb and angry with myself.
Why do I want someone who doesn't want me,what's wrong with me.
Think I must be mad.Actually it probably isn't more complicated, it is as simple as the title says.

rejection is hard to deal with, but it WILL get easier, just try your best not to push yourself on this person as you will lose self respect and make the healing process longer, good luck and hugs.

Thank you I feel so fragile at the moment, as soon as someone says something nice I feel tearful.

Obviously I don' know your situation, but I think when you lose the love of someone you have shared something with, it is a very hard blow it take. I am in such a similar situation, even though my DH has and is treating me dispicably, and has said some dreadful things (lots of info on my previous threads) there is still a part of me that wants him to love me. I think to myself how can I still love someone who doesn't love me and has made it very clear in so many ways. Kind of embarrassing to be so needy.

I think that the rejection by someone you care for can hit you in two ways, you either think well stuff you and your love dies for them, or you take it all to heart and think what have I done to make them not love me. In truth, probably nothing, once the love goes it goes, and nothing you say or do can change that, the big thing is to get the strength to realise that the more you chase them to love you the less they do. I am struggling constantly with the rejection I am experiencing, it is just so hard to realise that there is something about me that isn't want he wants. But rationally trying to realise that that doesn't make us bad or wrong just that life changes everyone and sometimes that chapters close and new ones open, it's just so hard to see beyond the pain.

oh blimey < wipes tears away >

so sorry you feel like this, ladies

When I read this thread title my heart sank because I've been there and I know it's horrible. Well, I guess we all have, butlike youI really suffered. But the good news is that I'm over it.

Are you referring to someone you've been with for a long time, or someone you desperately want to be with but they don't want the same thing?

I've had more of the latter--2 instances of that over the past 6 years. The worst was when i separated from dh and was in love with someone I'd known for many years (platonically). I actually moved to the US in the hopes that we could be together. He'd lead me on, and then pull back and I'd not hear from him for weeks. It turned out he didn't know what he wanted. He'd just split from his wife; he was having a long distance relationship with someone else (but didn't tell me); and I just got so depressed, I mean I was practically suicidal. It just felt like pure rejection, and I even sort of hated my kids irrationally because I suspected it partly had to do with my having the "baggage" of kids.

Eventually I accepted that it was never going to happen and I moved back to England and met current dp. Now, when I think about the man I pined for, I think thank god I didn't wind up with him. He's broken lots of heart; won't commit; and is frankly a little insane.

Alsoand this supports thesadone's wise wordsI see the people he's been with and I'm shocked. I mean, really these are not attractive or nice people. It really didn't have that much to do with me after all.

expatinscotland said this great thing: "the best way to get over a man is to get under another one."

I think once you meet someone else it'll be much better. I hope you feel better soon.

Thanks thesadone and AFFAMP, feel like I am fluctuating between extreme anger and sadness and hate the fact I am feeling so needy.
All this isn't like me usually I just get on with things,but this is hitting me really hard.I know that so many people go through this and come out the other side.
That's why I posted on here I needed to be told not to chase after him because it will make things worse and I know that but hearing it from others reinforces it.
Sorry to hear that you are struggling with this too,what has shocked me is the physical feeling of anxiety I have,never really felt it to this extent.Oh well been through lots of hard times,will get through this also. Bloody hell, sound so serious will try and lighten up abit.

It's so good to hear that Voice,its been an on/off relationship but we have a child together which obviously complicates things.

I know that logically life goes on and I'll probably look back and think what was I wasting my time for, just wish I was in that place now.

Trying to put on a front for Christmas. Knew other storie's would make me feel better.Thanks

What you feeling is totally normal.
It is 5 years ago now that my husband left me, it took along time to get my head around things, but I did get there eventually and so will you. My best friend is also going through this at the mo too. Like you have said it doesnt do you any good to chase it just makes you feel worse. Hope you ok, sending you hugs

Oh, it is so, so hard. But I promise you it does get better. I've had that happen to me twice, though I'm not sure whether to count one because it was just online, phone calls and texts, you know.
Both of them, I felt like my heart was huge, whole and massive and it just stretched out and encompassed them. I had so much love and it had nowhere to go, it was very painful. I am however completely over it now, I don't really think of either of them. I think with something like that, trying not to care just doesn't work and you literally have to wait it out. It will pass though, so get busy in the meantime so you are not wasting you life, be kind to yourself and do things you enjoy. Try not to blame yourself or be angry etc, as it's not your fault. These things happen in life. I like to think they make you stronger, and more compassionate as a person. Certainly I would be much more gentle now if I was ever on the receiving end of unrequited love. I haven't been so kind in the past, and I regret that dreadfully.
Take care of yourself dearie x

Thankyou orangehead and cheeerfulvicky, all your messages give me hope for the future.
Will take advice and keep busy and look forward to a new year that will hopefully be better than this one.

HI.....I am going through exactly the same scenario..Having been with my partner for 24 years, we always had a very volitile relationship but in the last year things got worse..I kept telling him to go but he didnt and then 3 months ago he did. I was fine, he still popped in to see our grwn up children and also cannot fault him with money etc..But 2 weeks ago I had this complete change around and wanted him back..I suggested this to hm and his says his not ready and may never be ready because a piece of him died! Everytime I told him to go...I now feel a complete idiot and feel scared and lonely...Sorry to ramble on but have to get it off my chest

It sucks it sucks it sucks. The most horrid feeling ever...in fact when i look back right to my teenage years, apart from the death of a close family member, it's the worst feeling in the world.

But it does and will pass.

And you WILL look back and say "Urgh...what WAS I thinking?"

But for now....oh God it hurts...just try and avoid him as much as you can...no texts if poss and no non child conversations.

Thanks for your message...times like this you just need to talk and get it off your chest...

Dear allout, my ex left me two years ago this Christmas and I thought I was going to die - I think I went insane for a time. But am so looking forward to Christmas because I'm with the most wonderful man in the world now. The interim hasn't been easy but I've grown as a person and am so grateful that my ex did leave because it's allowed me to be with someone who truly loves me. You have to say to yourself, if someone doesn't love you they're not right for you and not think there's anything wrong with you.

You'll get over this like all the other lovely ladies said, and will end up much happier.