DH says I'm emotionless, he's right. What can I do about it?

[wangle99]

DH and I have had a shite year due to various things although we are now trying to work through everything.

He says he struggles to deal with my lack of emotions, I had a crap upbringing and have built a huge wall around myself that noone is getting through lol Trouble is now I know no difference and do not know how to change.

Any advice greatly received

counselling?

It's probably not something you can tackle by yourself. You can't just turn round and say "ok, from today I'll wear my heart on my sleeve"

No shame in saying you need some support.

Can counselling deal with stuff like that? I had no idea. Have no problem getting support, just didn't realise counselling could help that issue.

I also struggled with this during my marriage, and never really found the answer. Things are better with my children than they ever were with ex h - I find it easier to show love. Or maybe its just that they complain less about it.

counselling sounds like a good idea, but a small part of me says "he knew you were like that before you married..." because I know how hard it was to look for emotions that were suddenly allowed to be there, and werent.

Of course it can. It can help you understand yourself, break patterns of behaviour and so on.

I'm having cbt at the moment which I am finding useful - not just for my needle phobia, but for looking at WHY I behave the way I do, generally, and challenging myself.

Are you emotionless about everything? What does get you going?
I totally understand what you say about the brick wall. I have one of those too, but there are chinks in it; my Achilles heel is the DCs.

I am pretty emotionless about everything tbh. Things that DD does at school - music events, carol services when I am incredibly proud of her get to me but that is about it!

I hug the children, although with DD there have been many issues over the years (suffered from PND after she was born) and have ongoing depression but not majorly.

My family isn't emotional, my mother never hugs or kisses me - but then, do many adult parents do this? I just don't know.

I would suggest counselling. You have admitted that you have a problem, which is the first step. Having got that far, the next step is to do something about it to avoid passing it onto your DCs. Counselling would help you understand it and give you help in breaking out of your usual responses-look upon it as setting yourself free from your background.

You can also look at it as a chance to avoid passing on these same problems (or variations on them) to your children ...