Advice needed, very difficult situation with so called "friend" at college

[sha321]

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do you need to be around her at all?

when I went to uni I tolerated people for the sake of keeping the peace but very quickly realised that I was no longer at school and could move about social circles with ease staying friends with those who were worth it

life is far too short to be putting up with people who can only feel good about themselves by putting others down

no need to fall out with her as such, just start to distance yourself and she'll soon get the message

i agree - be pleasant - ie smile and nod - do not activley engage - dont sit near her - leave before she does etc. she will get the message soon enough

one of the best parts of being at college rather than school is to start building foundations of friendships that will last a lifetime - this girl does not sound like someone you should be having around you at all and you certainly don't want to be associated with her if thats how she behaves

she is a bully, she is not worth you worrying over, you'll make loads of new friends very soon

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just rise above it, it will be hard in the beginning but if she is as awful as you say she is then nobody will relish the thought of hanging about with her either and they'll all think you have the right idea

I take it the college is on holiday for Christmas just now? you could use your time off to slow things down with her and then just throw yourself into your studies when you go back after the break

yes, use Xmas break
then avoid, if she challenges just shrug and smile, don't get caught up in any heated discussions. Sure you'll find lots more pleasant people!

This is a bit of a classic problem - first term of college it's very common to make friends with people you come to realise you don't really get on with, or don't like that much.

I guess this happens because the start of a new course can be quite intense and mostly people are meeting a new group for the first time, so they can rush to make friends without necessarily taking their time over who they get on best with and who is genuinely decent.

dizzyjingles is right - you have natural break right now (or very soon). When college resumes just go back and act towards her in keeping with how you now feel - I'd probably go for "friendy acquaintance".

Be as open as you can to friendship and collaboration with the other people you meet in college and try to steer away from people who are generally very negative about others.

Bear in mind, that as she's clearly widely unpleasant, you won't be the only one experiencing this so you drawing away, while she might yell a bit about it, might well actually allow other people to feel comfortable doing the same.

I am a lot older than you but went through this exactly in my first year at uni. A girl who lived in my residence and I struck up a friendship, along with a number of other girls. But she turned out to be a complete cow who was mean to me and to everyone else for no reason. So in my second term I started avoiding her, and I admit, it was hard as I didn't have anyone to replace her and that crowd as my friend. But... at the end of the second term, things got better and by the end of the third term I'd met some wonderful girls, a number of whom are still my friends today, and one will be my bridesmaid in just a few short weeks.

Don't feel any pressure to be lifelong friends with this idiot. I haven't stayed friends with anybody from uni - they all just turned out to be 'drinking buddies'.

I met my best, lifelong friend on a course when I was 23. And I met my lifelong 'gay best pal' in my first proper job, when I was 25.

Don't give her the time of day.