low libido

[mands1]

Feel awkward about writing this but i've pnd and my sex drive is zilch.Ds is 10mth & had placenta previa during pregnancy so didn't/haven't had much of sex life.

Trouble is now hubby has started "pestering", nicely for "you know what".I've tried explaning that i have no interest in that what so ever and it is not him.He has even accused me of having a affair!!! Thing is it's making me feel guilty and on occasions where i've given in it makes me feel cheap and worthless.He tries hard to make me enjoy it but i just feel nothing.Then he falls asleep and i end up crying again.

Worried that if things don't sort themselves out then he may look elsewhere.As if I don't have enough problems.

Check your e-mail mands1

Mands1, tried to send you an e-mail, but the address that tech has given me is invalid. Ask them to send it again.

Chiccadum
will do probably my fault.

Mands

Sit your dh down and explain what you feel like and why.

Try to make sure he knows what it is that is happening as us men sometimes just don't get the idea till you hit us over the head with it a few times.

Mands1 - Men are a totally different species. My do is totally incapable of reading a situation and I usually have to sit him down and tell him if anything is wrong. I'm sure if he thought you felt cheap and worthless after sex then he would be much more understanding.

Accusing you of the affair... that's just him being ill-in formed about PND and what it means when a woman loses her sex drive.

Talk to him.... he might just surprise you!

mands1 - I have exactly the same problem. I love DP very much but since having DS 18 months ago my libido has gone. It's a real, real problem and we did go to relate but because they didn't have any free counsellors at a time when we could go we had to give up on that one. I've decided to go for counselling on my own as it's really worrying me and seriously jepodising our relationship. I have a vague idea that it's something to do with not being able to mix being a mother with being a lover IFYKWIM but god knows.

I wish desperately to get our old sex life back and periodically we try to get it back on track but I just feel so awkward and not sexy at all. Going to first counselling session on friday - hope it helps. have you considered relate?

I really, really know how you feel. LOL

I haven't thought about counselling but to be honest even the idea makes me cringe it's bad enough talking to you guys lets alone someone in the flesh.

As for talking to dh I try I really do but it's not easy he really comes across with this attitude that it's me "in one of those moods" and that nothing is really wrong.

I turned him down sunday trying to exp why which made me feel awful and last night i go to bed and he's expecting me to put stockings on etc.In the end I gave in but it shouldn't be like this.

I just wish things would be ok.

I know, I really do. So many times a day I think "I just want it to be normal" but it isn't and I realised that it probably isn't going to just suddenly come back (my sex drive that is) after so long, without some other help.

DOn't get me wrong - I'm dreading the thought of talking to a counsellor about it but I just don't see what else to do.

Can you try again to explain to him how you feel? I know how hard it is though - my DP is very understanding but I think its reached a point where he just doesn't have anything else to say - he just wants to have sex - which I can't blame him for to be honest.

Yeah katierocket, I know what you mean he's been really rather patient up until now trouble also is i have just started new ad's and a main side effect doc said was a low libido.So things will just get worse.Don't want to change them as i'm only on second week and feel they are doing some good already.

Perhaps if they work out then things might improve or I'll just have to lie back and think of England.It's the guilt that gets me I feel like i really should be "joining in" but it all feels so un-natural.

I used to get by having a few drinks to help even that doesn't work.

what I'd like to know is if anyone has been through this and come out the other side? i.e. managed to resurrect a flagging (understatement) sex life

Could you come to an agreement with your dh whereby one night of the week (for example) you agree to indulge him and try your hardest to be proactive, and the rest of the week he knows it's not on?

That way you both know what the score is; you can psyche yourself up for it and he won't waste a lot of his time being rebuffed.

Actually that's what happened mon night i finally agreed on condition that that would be it for a month, but he knocked me down to a week (fine thing when you have to barter for your nuptials!)Still went to bed last night and was able to get to sleep.I still didn't really "contribute" much it's hard to join in when i just feel like a cold fish and wish he'd hurry up.Sounds awful.

That's a good point katierocket has anyone out there come through this or is it going to lead to the end of our relationship?????????

Mands1 and katierocket

I haven't been in exactly this situation but I do know the frustrations involved in radically differing sex drives in a relationship. It is not easy but if you talk things over and are open to suggestions from each other then things can be worked out. Especially if you love them.