I have a friend, with children of similar ages to mine. We have known each other for ages, long before the issues I'm about to explain came about. I really like her, and she has great qualities.
The difficulty is that we have absolutely different child-rearing 'techniques'. I have tried for so long to make myself feel tolerant (we all do our best, who am I to consider my ways the only ways?, and so on), but I admit that there are times I have to force myself not to comment.
Of course, I appreciate that this message is only giving the situation from my perspective. I will try to just tell facts.
If her children don't like something, they more often than not get their way. So, they eat what they like (sweets, even if they have not touched healthy food - that kind of thing), and don't wear seatbelts if they don't want. You get the picture.
Her children have no boundaries or limits, or barely any. Threats of 'no more sweets' or whatever, are literally NEVER adhered to, and the children know it. They do as they please, and when their mum does recognise that something they are doing is not great, she kind of asks them to do her the favour of stopping it. They mostly don't comply, or argue, and there are never repercussions.
When one of the children does something violent to another child, she does not get told off as the mother thinks she can 'understand his motives'. Theory being that if adults can't always control their tempers, we can't expect it of children.
I do have a reason for writing all this. Not wanting to be mean about someone for the sake of it.
Some of these differences have a knock on effect on my children, and I feel that my efforts in their upbringing are being negated.
I feel uncomfortable that when they are at this friends house, I have to deal with awkward situations. For example, mother sees no trouble with letting 8 year old google silly things (willy, bum etc.) and risk accessing porn. (No adult watching the screen, just overhearing the giggles and chatter, so it is obvious what they are diong) So, I have to remove my children from computer (and they are finding the whole thing funny, so they don't think it is fair).
My children are always asking, 'why is xx allowed to...', and often they comment on bad behaviour of these children. I find it hard to respond without being judgy, and I don't want my children to grow up thinking it ok to point the finger at others, and be smug.
My children are still young at 5 and 7, and they are being led into conversations about topics I consider unsavoury, but the mother does not agree. My children act differently when with these children.
I just don't know what to do. In spite of all I have written, I really do like this mother. I just think she is utterly naive about real life, and real risks, and cause and effect. She sees things in such a opposite way to me, it is like we are on different planets.
I know that if I were to mention any of this, she would just not see it at all, and it would cause offense. She just does not see certain behaviours as 'rude' or 'naughty', whereas I sit with gaping mouth sometimes at the way she is disobeyed and spoken to.
So, if you have made it this far. Do I:
a) gradually cut down contact
b) say something (if so, what?)
c) chill out, and believe that home environnment is enough to counteract undesirable influences.
I so don't want to wrap my children up in cotton wool, but neither do I want to rob them of their childhood or cause attitude problems later on (whether it be smugness - 'I'm not like so and so', or copying rude and disrespectful behaviour).
Have any of you experienced similar? Any advice?
Oh, I hope someone is still up...