drunk horrible husband

[dublingal]

My husband has jsut gone to bed having drunk three bottles of wine - and s=maybe three pints in pub. He does this every Friday and saturday and I cna't stand it. It turns him into a complete imbecile - boring and irritating. I used to drink with him but since we have a beautiful seven month old baby I have learned to change my ways. He recently has stopped drinking until he falls asleep on sofa which he considers an achievement. But this evening - which is our only for a few days and last week we have been like ships in the night - he chooses to be drunk - which he was by 7pm. what do I do? Any advice?

No advice but i just wanted to offer a big hug, he should want to spend his time with you and your beautiful DC.

[hug]

Thank you so much! How nice! x

That is a very large amount of alcohol for one person to take in one evening. for you that he can't see what is important - i.e. his DW and DC. I wish I had some advice and help for you, but he has to decide for himself he has a problem and then deal with it himself.

My DH gave up the alcohol entirely in September after a very heavy sesh at a works do - very embarrassing for him, plus he had a shocking hangover. He reached the conclusion for himself that he doesn't know when to stop once he starts, so until he feels he can have just one glass of wine without needing to finish the bottle, he will stay off it. BUT: he had to come to that decision all by himself, I couldn't make him do it (although I had pointed out to him a few times before what a waste of a weekend it was for him to be hungover, and how much he missed out on, to say nothing of the money spent!)

it sound to me like you husband has a drink problem thats needs urgent attention. I would ask him to see someone and if he refused make it clear that there is no future while he continues to choose drink over you and your baby. It sounds harsh but ive been through this with my partner and i ended up leaving him because he wouldnt change or even admit he had a problem (he would get that drunk he would soil himself) your husband needs help and you have to be strong enough to follow through if you choose to take my advice and not go back because he will never change if you do good luck x

Thats a lot of booze!

IMO you should say to him what you have said to us here. It's dull being with someone who regularly drinks like that. I LOVE my wine and am often found defending myself on a friday or saturday night (or both!) when DH raises the eyebrow to me as I plough to the bottom of the bottle but I think your DH's drinking is excessive, also very expensive

Will he be ill and hungover tomorrow?

Eire:
Al-Anon Information Centre
Room 5
5 Capel Street
Dublin 1
EIRE
Tel: 00353 01 873 2699 (Helpline 10.30am ? 2.30pm, Mon ? Fri)
(Outside Eire use the country code 00353 and omit the first 0)

I am going by your username here and if you are indeed in Dublin or Eire I would give these people a call.

You need to remember the 3c's when it comes to alcoholism:-
You did not cause it
You cannot control it
You cannot cure it

At least you are no longer drinking with him (a Big NO-NO in any event); that was enabling behaviour on your part which actually helps neither of you.

You cannot enable him, many people in these situations end up as their partner's enabler. I presume very few people in your real life know about his drink problem and that you have made many excuses for him and or his behaviour in the past.

You also have to prepare yourself that he may not listen at all to your words re his drinking. Or he'll cry and make all sorts of promises, promises that will not be kept. Denial also is present in these situations and your H likely underestimates how much he is actually consuming.

Unless he comes to realise that he has a drink problem and wants to tackle it there is nothing you can do to help him. All you can do is help your own self (this is where Al-anon comes in). You are ultimately only responsible for your own self and your baby, not him.

Growing up in a house where one parent is alcoholic is no fun for the child let alone the spouse and can actually give the child a whole host of problems. Your baby and you therefore need to come first.

thank you for all the advice x