new name..

[newnamenow]

how do i request that the last conversation is deleted?

click on contact mumsnet

thank you i have done it now.

I am still unsure about making the call in case it shows up?? maybe i should use a public phone?

what call?

i do have a local library so i think i will head there today and set dd up with a few books to read then have a look at that site.

im scared he will compltetly deny all of this, and make out its all in my head. he such an intelligent man, and so clever at talking people round to his way of thinking i am frightened that after taking this first step i will be made out to be mad.

why do i still love him so much!?! i must shift that thought!

Do you have a mobile?

yes i do have a mobile

if it's pay as you go call from that, then delete the call history on your phone.

i cant be on my phone for long periods, if he calls from work, and its engaged he will check when he gets home who i was on the phone to at that time.

shit.

Well you've overcome one massive hurdle which is realising your situation, so well done.

I've been there and it took a long long time even when it was staring me in the face. If you decide to leave him you need a plan, and it's best to get all that sorted before he has any idea.

What about a friend you can trust?

You could just tell your dh that you are visiting her and make the call from there?

he is so smart.. he knows everything i do all day every day i am not sure how i am going to pull it off.. and on top of all that i am still fighting with this massive part of me that loves him so much.. i dont even want to leave him but i know i have to.. i dont think its really my choice any more i have to think of dd's future.

i do have a friend where i can go, but tbh i never just pop to friends any more i will have to wrrnage it sometime before. i will try that, thank you!

you will get amazing support on here. I understand you can't reveal too much personal detail though.

i know, i have found this site a great help. i have just looked on womensaid site, the number wont show on the bill so i will look at that now.

i am so close to doing something about this, but as soon as i think of leaving him i'm in a state like right now! i can hardly see the keys through tears! this should be such an easy choice

What about public phones?

Maybe in a shopping centre or Tesco's?

If the number is 0800 then it should be free.

It isn't easy, not at all. Don't blame yourself, that's key.

I still have wibbly moments where I really really miss ExH. Obviously I married him for a reason, and in many ways he was wonderful. But that's no reason to live in a violent abusive relationship.

I truly think without mumsnet I'd still be there. Still dreading the sound of his keys in the door every evening. Me and the DC are so much happier now, I'm living life on my terms, not in the shadow of someone else.

Sending you support and strength. If there's anything you want to ask I'm here.

Just adding my support, sorry I was so confused at first. Please ring them, small steps are better than none.

but i dont dread him coming through the door, i cant wait for him to get here... i just have to walk on eggshells because its him going off on one that i dread. he isnt really physically abusive, although has been, mostly he just pushed me and threatens to do things. but its the mental abuse i cant handle, he knows extacly what to say to make me crumble and knows exactly when to walk out so he can leave me there in a huge state crying.. i end up grovelling like a pathetic cow and then i end up putty in his hands again when he goes back to normal.. then BAM next day mr nesty returns..

i wish i didnt love him so much when he is nice but i love him more than i ever knoewwas possible.

how long did it take for you to get to where you are now!?

I know exactly what you mean, exH knew how to manipulate my emotions. He'd go off on a mad rant, then convince me it was my fault and have me begging forgiveness, then I'd feel lucky to be with him and kick myself for whatever 'bad thing' I'd done. The phone thing too, I got through so many mobiles and cordless phones as he'd smash them up in a rage so I couldn't call my friends.

It really only started when I cut back work to look after the DC (his idea). He had much more control over me and totally took advantage. It took a long long time and I was blind to what I should do. I'm not sure many of the threads are still here but I wound up a lot of mumsnetters by ignoring the reality. We agreed to a trial seperation, it didn't work out as he became even crazier so now we are in the process of divorce. he only sees the DC at his mums house.

i cant stand the thought of dp with someone else, i never felt jealous about anything before we met now i am so jealous about everything. I am sure he has done this to me, i think he knows what he is doing.

He does exactly that, starts an arguement or drags something on for months, and by the end of it i am begging (literally) for his forgiveness because all i ever want is his love and acceptance. how did i get like this? i used to be so independant and controlled.

he has alienated all of my family, they are all frightened of him and have absolutely nothing to do with him. obviously this has affected my relationship with friends and family too although i think they are wise to what is happening and hopefuly wont give up on me.

he is doing it right now, texting me and telling me that our relationship is practically over because of me, and my disloyalty.

i didnt even go to my brother engagement party because of him. how is that disloyal!?

no answer from womens aid... ! i dont want to keep trying its awful

If you need to talk in person then you can email me. I'm going out now but will be home all afternoon from 1ish.

[email protected]

thank you so much i will start a new account and save you as a contact. you have been such a help thank you

my love - you are stonger than you realise, please look at your dd and think about the type of relationship/marriage you would like to she her in! one like yours? no? if it is not good enough for your dd, why should it be good enough for you?

you only get one life - go live it! right now what you are doing is existing - there is so much more out there, go and grab it, please!!!!!!!!!!