dh doesnt want me to see a counsellor

[Hazelgrove]

He thinks I should be able to "talk" to him about things. I do talk to him about things but I feel ! now need to talk to someone else. It's nothing at all to do with our relationship. I don't know what to do now. I don't really want to see a counsellor and lie to him. But i can't seem to make him accept I need to see a professional

it helps to talk to someone who is impartial and not involved as they can see things that we cant because we are too involved,i would try to talk to him again but this is what you feel you need so go for it and you shouldnt have to lie.

I do know where he is coming from Hazelgrove. Dh and I both had counselling before we met each other, and found it enormously helpful, but if I suggested it now for myself I think he'd wonder why he wasn't able to help me. You know what(many) men are like, they want to be the problem-solver, the solution-provider. I would guess that he partly feels that his role as your supporter and confidante will be usurped by a stranger, and maybe in the back of his mind he is worried that despite what you say you will end up talking about your relationship with him.

Do say to him what Beety suggests, but also perhaps probe into his fears about you seeing a counsellor. It sounds as though you can communicate well with him and be honest with him.

If you had cancer would he expect to be able to cure that too?

Emotional issues require the help of a professional sometimes, however willing and loving your partner is.

tell him you need help from a completely impartial person to help you get things in perspective. Tell him it is nothing to do with our relationship and that you will talk to him about whatever it is when you have got your head around it properly (with the help of the counsellor).

I will talk to him again about it tonight. Sorry i just needed to write it down

i was gonna respond to this this morning, but i was a bit bitter cos of my xdp. when i was with him, i was recommended to go to a counsellor. xdp said the same things, why couldnt i just talk to him, and he was worried it would change me. try to explain that its for you, not down to your relationship or him. just try to give him lots of reassurance. sometimes helps. good luck xxx

he is a good husband in all other ways and we do talk for england. I think he will come round, i obviously just didnt want to make things worse whilst trying to make things better iykwim

and thanks everyone!

i think its probably just mens ego, most seem to think theyre the answer to all problems lol. hope he listens to you next time you talk. xxx