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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My friend - we drifted a bit when I got married and had children - do you ever get back to where you were with these friends? Is it worth it?

2 replies

crokky · 11/12/2008 19:17

Basically, at university this girl was one of my 2 best friends. I don't know if she is dropping hints that she doesn't want to be good friends anymore.

When we left, I got married and a few years later, I have 2 DCs. (She has been a single career girl). We live 150 miles apart and so we've drifted. I always thought of her as someone I could confide in anyway, but the last few times I have spoken to her, I made the call and she hasn't bothered. She has frequently complained about the number of Godchildren she has. (I think meaning - please do not ask me to be Godmother for your DCs!). Just these sorts of things until...

The latest thing she has done is to announce her engagement to me on a 2 line email that has obviously been blind carbon copied to a number of people - starting "Dear all". What's odd is that I wouldn't actually take offence if I received this news by email from anyone else, but in fact she is someone who is SO polite and old fashioned that she thinks text messages are rude! [I respect this and pick up the phone]. And, the fact that it has been BLIND cc'd. I just think that's a bit wierd and would never use it with friends.

Sooooo what shall I do - should I make an effort with her (an effort will be required as I see a childfree wedding on the cards - mine are baby and toddler, so it will be difficult and expensive). Or should I jsut let it go. I am sleep deprived and don't want to play games! I don't know how to reply - I don't know if I can even be bothered. I didn't read it the day it was sent as my whole family was ill so she probably thinks I've snubbed her anyway.

[The other friend has emigrated and I know she hasn't been in close contact with the girl in question]

OP posts:
lollystar · 11/12/2008 19:29

I think you should just be straight with her and tell her you think you've drifted apart a bit. If she thinks the same, does she want to make more of an effort in future?
It's always tricky being that far apart from a good friend, especially if you're at different stages in your lives.
Good luck x

toomanystuffedbears · 11/12/2008 19:38

Well, yes, it sounds like the relationship has dissipated.

'Respond to all'-with a superficial 2 line congratulations email.

If she really wants you at her ceremony, she'll call you, don't you think? (As in prove there is still an emotional connection.)

If you like weddings and want to go to see a wedding (and can swing the logistics with the dc)-go. But I would leave all expectations of previously mentioned emotional connection at home. If she takes time to chat with you, you'll be pleasantly surprised; if not-well, you won't be surprised.

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