following on from dittanys post i wish to admit that i was once an abused wife

[jesuswhatnext]

phew, that took some doing ( i have avoided admitting this because i felt it made me seem weak )

my second husband became progressivly more abusive as time went on, he was a serving soldier and, i believe, was suffering from pstd - that does not excuse what he did.

controlling my every move
choking me when i asked for money
trying to seperate me from my family
calling me 'an old bint' etc
undermining my mothering

i could go on but you get the picture.
he finally did us a favour and left when i started to stand up to him, we have not seen or heard from him in 15 years.

i think i just want to say, if you are in an abusive relationship please leave - i'm a strong, fiesty, self sufficient woman, he was slowly draining that from me and i shudder to think waht my life would be like if we were still together.

btw - i have been married to a wonderful guy now for 8 years, he is kind, gentle and loves me and dd very much, there IS life afterwards.

what a brave post, jwn.
i'm sure it will inspire lots of people.
i'm glad you're safe and loved now.

That was very brave of you, and good to hear you can bounce back too! I had seven years of misery- not physical violence but emotional and other stuff that was very , to my shame. I am so glad to be out of it and giving my dd a better role model now, I am so much happier. It can get better!

My ex-p was also abusive. Mainly verbal & emotional but occasionally physical too (slaps, pushing me over, grabbing me by the throat). I was with him from age 14 to 28 and knew no better. He left me for someone he met on the internet in a chatroom.
BEST THING HE EVER DID FOR ME!!
I joined a drama group (I wasn't 'allowed' to with him), met my now DH and am very, very happy.
I hear from ex-p's brother who I still bump into occasionally that ex-p is really miserable in relationship now

Good for you JWN. Never knew dittany had been in these shoes too. There's a lot of us about on MN, where we are 'anonymous' and yet in real life I feel like the only one. Odd that.

I can't Stop admitting it though! I have to name change regularly.

I was abused, mentally and physically, name calling, sulking, manipulation and mind games far harder to deal with. I left the fekker last year.

I'm evangelical about women leaving men who treat them badly now.

link to dittany's post? por favor?

JWN, Sadly too many of us once were.

Don't be embarrassed to admit it, there is no weakness in being abused.

sorry am crap at links - it is the one titled 'the warning signs of an abusive man'

i'm not sure that dittany was ever in this position as such, i believe she is a counseller (and to make me admit this, she must be a good'un )

i don't know why i ahve found it so hard to admit, perhaps there is an element of shame in that i allowed it to happen?, it very definalty made me feel less of a person, more of a 'possession' iyswim

i had also left my first husband for him, (we married too young, no dcs)so i had a huge amount guilt hanging over me and did'nt want to tell my family i had cocked up 'once again' - totally stupid, they would never have expected me to stay in the marriage if they knew the extent of the abuse.

sorry x-posts with dittany!

thank you for sharing, JWN. glad you have found a decent man now

blimey dittany, sorry for being so dense

(i do wonder if you are in the right career though!, i think you talk a lot of sense )

A truly inspirational post for any woman in an abusive relationship.

I have never experienced partner abuse but thought your post and others in response are fantastic and if even one woman decides to 'get out' or confide in someone after reading this thread, then it makes it even more fantastic.

Hats off to you