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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Why can't I cope when DH is around?

3 replies

AvonBarksdale · 11/12/2008 10:33

DD is 9mo and going through a bit of a difficult patch with regards to sleeping. I think it's probably a teething/developmental thing - normally she is a wonderfully lovely baby although granted has only very recently had a couple of goes at sleeping though the night! My problem is this: when I'm on my own with her I can cope with her crying and not going to sleep and am perfectly calm, but as soon as DH is in I become a monster. Last night I shouted at her for the first time, I also get really really annoyed at my inability to cope and hit myself several times really hard because of this. I feel guilty that I can't get her to sleep/stop crying and feel guilty when DH gets involved. He really really doesn't mind helping, he loves it in fact, but I go so crazy and try to stop him getting involved then get really angry at myself when he does. DH adores me and I worry that I am pushing him away with my developing self hatred - I swing from feeling very confident and full of self belief to hating my looks/behaviour/attitude. We've been together for 6 years (married for 3) and he's put up with things I've done in the past (mostly hitting/hurting myself) and I'm amazed he loves me as much as he does. I'm scared that by being weak I am making myself more unattractive to him. If I'm not making sense it's because we had 3-4hrs sleep last night. DH has taken her out this morning (he's taken the morning off) and I feel guilty that he's off work and that I'm sitting here on MN drinking coffee trying to sort my head out. Thanks for reading this, I feel better for writing it, but I'm not sure how I can make myself better.

OP posts:
stressedsanta · 11/12/2008 11:07

ah its ok .
have you thought about maybe you could have pnd?
dont feel guilty about all this its not something you choose to be like .
i think you should tell your gp how your feeling .
do you feel able to do that ?

AvonBarksdale · 11/12/2008 13:07

Thank you stressedsanta, yes I think I will see my gp. I'm determined to make myself better for my family. Thank you, hope you get sufficiently de-stressed soon xxxx

OP posts:
mankymummy · 11/12/2008 13:10

No sleep or disturbed sleep can make you feel really odd and do things you wouldnt normally do.

Why dont you want to let him help you when she wont sleep?

Is it because you want to be in control, because you feel bad he has to go to work, you dont want him to think you cant cope on your own?

Its really hard looking after a baby, espec. at 9 months, I think you should cut yourself a bit of slack. Sitting on MN and drinking coffee is hardly indulgent !

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