Serious relationship problems.

[newmumnamechange]

DFiance and I work very hard, full time. We have a 7 mo to look after aswell. Which means that the house is usually a mess as we don't have time to clean and we're tired all the time.

There are huge insecurities in our relationship. DP is very jealous and possessive and this has rubbed off on me, so I was once laid back but now I am also very jealous and possessive which has come from low self esteem and the thought that if he's so worried about me cheating, does that mean he's cheating?

I feel as though the relationship is eating itself alive and there is currently a lot of tension.

I've just tried to talk to him about how we can work on things and improve the relationship but it descended into a huge row.

I need serious help to get things back on track as we're getting married in a few months and we do love each other very much.

Please relationship council me. I need some perspective.

I think that you two should probably go to Relate before getting married. Jealousy issues are often horribly deep-seated - I would work on them now.

We've both had bad relationships in the past where we were cheated on many times and made to feel worthless. I think this has affected us deeply.

Why are we so jealous?

I don't think that MN can answer that question. I think you both need therapy and/or couple counselling.

Sorry, you may not want to hear this but I think you should cancel the wedding now. Trying to get things back on track (through counselling or just working on the issues yourselves) will be soooo much harder when you are time limited by a looming wedding date. If you postpone it now, you can take the pressure off and concentrate on working on your relationship.

Hi New Mum, I really feel for you as myself and DP are exactaly the same, before we met i have never been this way, always very laid back, didnt take anything too peronally and if it worked it worked, if it didnt it didnt.. now, i am the absolute opposite, i get so jealous about everything and feel things i have never felt before, and i can only put this down to the fact that my partner's ways have rubbed off on me. I love him with all my heart, and the majority of the time we are very happy, but sometimes our jealousy can really be a problem...

how long have you been together? what does he say he was like before you met?

We've been together 20 months. He was a cheater before we met and he has slept with hundreds of women which I think plays on my mind a bit. I wouldn't want you to go through this- but it's nice to know someone's in the same boat. How are you trying to combat it?

We're the same, happy most of the time, and get on like best mates. But sex has stopped altogether, and we have these issues.

dp was exactly the same before we met too, had slept with tonnes of women, and had a long line of ex's who were still very much in his life until i came along (and some continue to try to be).
If i am honest i am not trying to combat it right now, i am just living with it, but i hate feeling jealous, because i know its not like me and sometimes i get like red rage because i am so jealous!!
i find myself sitting and practially inventing things sometimes, i have developed a pretty mad imagination!

i feel the same, its comforting to know we are not alone. I'm fed of talking to people in reallife about it because sometimes we are so happy that no one understands how it can be so bad sometimes.

why has sex stopped do you think?

we have been together almost the same amount of time too..

No idea why the sex has stopped. Apparently because we're so tired due to the baby and working full time, but I could sure use some!

I know what you mean about imagining up ridiculous situations! I feel like I'm going demented sometimes. But then other times I think well if I'm right then how could I be so stupid to let it happen to me. It's silly though as he's not cheating IYSWIM?