hurt by MIL; AIBU??

[ElizabethCM]

Mil currently staying with us and our 4mth dd. i was playing w dd in the lounge (bicycle legs game) when mil walks in and says "careful you don't dislocate her legs" . so i said, "oh i'm just playing with her, she loves this game".to which MIL replies "look at baby P" [anger]

i didn't say anything but am now crying in the bedroom and shaking. dh comes in and says "you're not handling her stay very well, she's here another three weeks".

Aibu? am i justified in feeling hurt? i don't think she was being malicious but that's pretty thoughtless thing to say to new mum isn't it?

Silly cow
Probably unintentional though

another three weeks????

Fuck me,how long are youn having her for??

48 hours was max. for my MIL (now sadly departed) and she was lvoely.

that is a bloody horrible thing for her to have said. Not surprised you are "not handling her very well"!!! Did your DH know the whole story about her remarks? You and DH need to make it clear that she cannot make these sorts of comments to you! Ni[p it in the bud now.

Your mil is an a*e but you have to rise above it ! my theory is MILs don't know what to say to DILs so they just open their mounths and talk sh*e ! I have had several run ins with my MIL and have had to adjudicate several times between my mother and my SIL - you have to smile sweetly and ignore ..... However, how can she be staying for 3 weeks !!!! that is way too long - a long weekend is the maximum I can tolerate - you have my sympathies - good luck

Baby P comment a bit much, as for comments about dislocations etc, thats a MIL's job isn't it. My MIL's favourite line was they'll get water on the brain , but aparently as she was a nurse she would know, seen it happen .

god, what a stupid thing to say.

it's one of those stupid mil things, you gave her an answer about what you were doing and she was daft.

4 WEEKS???!!!!

omg

Holy shit - another 3 weeks

Better turn you patience-of-a-saint-o-meter up a few notches...whew....

thanks everyone... i guess it is just mil thing. will go out for the day tommorrow and try and to relax just me and dd. yes, they live in spain and are staying a month. i feel i can't say "no" as its a big trip for them and dd is first grandchild. but to think she would worry that i would dislocate my babies leg

tell your dh to make sure his mother doesn't overstep the mark again.
his mother - he needs to deal with her.
if she upsets you again - book her into a bed and breakfast.
do not let her walk all over you in your own home.

she sounds awful! I think you might have to put your foot down now about stupid comments and let them know if they are planning long visits then they will have to stay at a hotel.

Did you say anything to her at the time, does she know howit upset you?

I could lend you DTD2. She once told my MIL to 'just go home and die'. My MIL is a nice lady, she didn't deserve that.

DTD1 once asked MIL if she was going to die at Christmas. We have no idea why she thought this was a necessary addition to the festivities.

another 3 weeks!!!!!!!!!!!! mil s can be the bane of your life, take a deep breath and distance yourself,ignore comments like you will break her legs, i have never met a mil yet who likes her dil so don't feel isolated
get on with daily life and she'll just have to fit in.....the more busy and active you are with your children the less she will have to comment on.........she obviously is bored and needs something to focus on you could ask her to peel the potatoes or something of that ilk, that will keep her mind off you!

YANBU! What the hell did she mean??? I didn't realise that that poor child died from having his legs bicycled. I think I would have asked her what she meant.

Tip: Never have her to stay for so long again.

MadamDeathstar - LOL!!! Your DTs sound fab! My step-grandmother-in-law (huge title for little old lady!) is 102 and DS does ask 'when will she ever die?' - thankfully not to her face although as she is pretty much blind and deaf it prob wouldn't matter!

Poisonous comment about Baby P. I would continue to handle her visit badly unless things improve.

Anyway my mil told me i had to bicycle my child's legs to help with digestion and she knows everything and is always right

thanks everyone, nice to know am not alone... i didn't really say anything confrontational to her but i did say it takes a lot of force to break a baby's leg . and then when she mentioned baby p i just looked at her horrifed and she began mumbling to herself.

i can't tell her not to stay a month as she loves dd so much. and, more importantly to me, dh is so happy to share dd with his parents. fil, by the way, is lovely but doesn't fly (in planes obviously) so they take a coach and ferry to visit, which is a thirty hour trip.

madamdeathstar i would love to borrow your dts!! they sound just the ticket

Elizabeth

Your MIL made a thoughtless, not just to say barbed comment. My guess as well that she'll keep on saying such things and criticise you.

I would agree not to have her stay for so long next time even though this is their first grandchild etc. Your DH needs to be a lot firmer with his parents as well, particularly his Mother. He needs to take her to task here, his primary loyalty now is to you and his daughter.