Urgent Help!! - drunken exp problems

[mummyfearful]

I urgently need some advice. Dh and I split up a while ago, he is not interested in seeing the dc and will either make arrangements to see them and cancel or just not turn up.
However sometimes he does try to visit (usually unannounced) and this is where the problem lies: He will 99% of the time be drunk or slightly under the influence,either way it is not pleasant.
Tonight he arrived again unannounced and tried to get in (I keep a key in the door as he has a key he refuses to return and I am then able to listen first to see if he is indeed drunk, which tonight as usual he was). I refused to let him as he was drunk (at 6.00pm!) and he threatened to smash our glass door to gain access. I had to pretend I was going to call the police before he would leave.
Now I am afraid to leave the house in case he lets himself in while we are out. The embarrassment he causes for us with shouting in view of neighbours is also horrible.
I'm not sure what to do. He won't give us his address (I think he has a girlfriend so he doesn't want me to know) so I don't know how I'd be able to report him etc
I rarely get to speak to him when he is sober as he ignores my calls. It is only fuelled by drink he will contact and then there is no sense to be had from him.
Hope I've explained adequately, I'm still a little shaken.

Poor you, that sounds awful

TBH, I think I would call the police each time he turns uo drunk... even if you don't feel threatened it's important that it's documented somewhere officially that this man is harassing you and the dc

I would also keep a diary of each time he turns up drunk, for future reference, if he decides to play nasty about child-care etc

You must change the locks ASAP. Even if it isn't legal, you can't risk him turning up drunk at your house when you aren't there and then waiting for you to do goodness knows what.

I think you should contact CAB and the police for advice. Maybe Womens Aid would be able to help? Was he ever violent or threatening to you when you were together?

i would ring the police if i was feeling scared, and vulnerable.

Maybe they could advise you how to deal with some aspects of this.

Is there any way at all that you can change the locks, put another on. Is there any organisation, like women's aid who could help you find someone/locksmith to do it cheaper?

You need to call the police and ask to speak to a domestic violence officer (I know he hasn't hit you but this is threatening behaviour) for some advice and getting put on a priority list if you ring them next time he shows up like this. Your solicitor (I hope you have one) and Womens Aid should be able to give you some practical solutions to his arse nobbery. Hopefully others with some experience will be along, but that's the kind of thing from what I've read. Good luck, I hope you can get some help x

change he locks.
report the incidents so hopefully you can get a restraining order, I don't think you'd need his address to do so. anyway, the police would soon get it...

i know it's drastic, but you really don't need this crap.

hope you feel better soon, please excuse the pants tping

Change the locks!

It really doesn't matter about the ownership of the house as personal safety of you and the children trumps anything else.

You also need a restraining order so that he doesn't show up.

He should have contact at a supervised contact center.

Agree the domestic violence officer will help you and they'll change locks etc...

Yes, he did behave this way when we were together.
I'm afraid he really did smash our door a year or so ago which is how I know he is capable of doing it. A neighbour contacted the police then, and which I believe he received a caution for.
I will look into changing the locks. The children were afraid earlier, it isn't fair.

Don't let this go on on any longer, for your sake and the DC. Speak to the police asap.

You don't need to change the locks, just add another one and don't give him a key. Also have some bolts fitted to the inside of the door so that you know he can't get in even if the door isn't locked with the keys.

Thank you, I will seek legal advice tomorrow. My worry was that they would not be able to find him, so rather futile really.
Would I need to make a formal type of complaint for a restraining order to be made?

he'd need to go to court to get a restraining order.

I just got one against stalking ex.