is it possible to rebuild a marriage after so much has happened?

[vbadindeed]

Brief history - married nearly 6 years, together 7.5 yrs. i ds aged 2 .

During marriage have been violent rows, verbal abuse, v little sex in last 2 years, separate rooms due to snoring, general apathy from dh. There have laso been good bits

left him weeks ago. Concerned i might want to go back as he can be lovely but is it possible to get over the past We've tried counselling (4 different counsellors - doesn't work for us) Despite th problems, i'm not sure i can bringmyself to divorse him and can't take of my wedding ring. I also can't stand the thought of him with someone else

I'm in such a dilemma

What about some counselling on your own?

yes, i've tried that too!

And yet you are living with your own xp! Have you told your poor husband that little titbit yet or are you planning to pretend it hasn't happened? You have spent many months on here telling us all how inadequate he is, how wonderful, indeed, almost perfect your xp is, how you tell your husband of all this at every opportunity and yet now, you think you might want him back?
Is it that you cannot stand the thought of him with someone else because you truly love him and really want to make a go of your deeply flawed marriage, learning to be as giving as you are taking, or is it just that you cannot bear to think he might find someone else who would love him, care for him and make him happy. Is it a case that you don't want him really, but you don't want anyone ese to have him either? I know you will think I am harsh, but I think you really have to decide for yourself, what you really want and whether you can be in a marriage where treat each other with respect, leave your drama queen attitudes behind and start to think about his needs as well as your own. Until you can do that, you are not being fair to him, to your ds or to yourself.

oooh harsh! don't know the background but ooooh harsh

What is the background have missed this

Your living with your XP?

Monkey - if you can be arsed then a search by nickname will give you all the background you may or may not want to read !

dh knows i'm living in xp's house, i told him that was where i was going He doesn't yet know that anything has happened between us. I was gong to tell him a couple of weeks ago and then i was ill and then he had a bad car crash. I'm planning to talk to him about it at the weekend. I'm fully aware that that once i've told him, he will no longer want to be with me but i can't pretend nothing has happened and base any possible reconcilliation on lies.

I know alot of you think what i've done is terrible and i feel awful but at the time didn't feel i had any choice. I know i should have kept things platonic with xp but it is very hard when you're feeeling vulnerabe and someone attracrive shows so much interes and makes you feel desirable after so long feeling i might as well be a bloke

Have you told dp about your doubts? He may want to cancel that life insurance policy and change the will that you asked him to make in your favour.

Unless... you,re not intending on bumping off dp and moving back with dh, are you??!!

yes, dp knows i've been missing dh and that i want to discuss things with him.

What about the will?

are you seriously suggesting i might do something to dp (angry)

No, I'm not, but having just realised that you previously posted about the state of your marriage at great length under another name, I cant take your current dilemma seriously.

fair enough, you're entitled to you opinion

Why did you split up with xp in the first place?

"I know i should have kept things platonic with xp but it is very hard when you're feeeling vulnerabe and someone attracrive shows so much interes and makes you feel desirable"

Stop playing games. EIther its over or it's not. Just make your mind up. If you don't then you won't have any sort of dilemma as he won't have you back (would he now?)

so you slept with your xp? are you still sleeping with him?

Have you moved out of his house or are you still living there?

Either you want your marriage to work or you want to be shagging your ex - you can't have both, and given you've already shagged your ex that's hardly a good basis for rebuilding a marriage is it?

And given you don't want to see your dh with someone else it seems very much one rule for you and one for him - do you think he's been sleeping with other women during your split? And if so can you accept that given you've been sleeping with someone else?

There is a toddler in the middle of all of this?

Seriously get a grip of yourself.

Find somewhere for yourself and your son to live on your own and start working on the problems within yourself that have allowed such a ridiculous situation to develop.

If i had somewhere to go to be on my own for a while i would.

If i had somewhere to go to be on my own for a while i would.

"If i had somewhere to go to be on my own for a while i would"

You need to take responsabilty for your actions,you chose to move in with your XP(which was a very dumb idea) so did you not think that it would cause more problem in trying to repair your marriage.

Wake up and smell the roses you bought this all on yourself!