Just wanted to get some opinions on this. Last night DH and I had an almighty row, which started because I mentioned I wanted to get the dd's a nice dress each for their Christmas parties. He started huffing and blowing and saying that I keep spending money we haven't got, that I am spending "hand over fist". I then made the cardinal error of saying casually that I thought WE might have a night out next weekend (we haven't had a night out together in over a year!) which led to him ranting on about spending money again. It's true we are a bit overdrawn just now, but we also have some money in savings that, for some reason, he doesn't want to touch. We are supposed to be saving for a holiday in the summer (which he says he's not all that bothered about) but we both work (I only work p/t) and have a reasonable income, although adnittedly always seem to be skint.
I have been trying really hard recently to budget. I do spend a fair bit on food, but I meal plan, shop at discount places, cut costs where I can, and never throw food out. I do shop at the butchers and fishmongers, as I like our 3 growing children to have good quality meat/ fish, and am proud of the fact that they eat a healthy and varied diet- he moans about how much I spend on food, but then at night comes looking for snacks, and moans because there is "no food in the house"
I don't buy clothes for myself, but the kids do grow out of things ( which seems a strange concept to him!) They wear hand-me-downs and I buy a lot of their stuff at asda/ primark, so I don't feel I am a splurger in that department. I do all the finances (he is in the forces, so away a lot, makes more sense for me to do it), and he has no clue what our monthly income/ outgoings are- if you asked him what council tax we pay, he would look at you blankly. If I try to show him where the money goes, he just says either "OK- whatever", or says "well, you'll just need to cut down!" When i ask him where he would like me to make these cuts, he says "I don't know- just stop buying all the crap you buy!" By this he means clothes/ bits and pieces for the kids, birthday presents etc, I presume. He really doesn't see how I can spend it, and it's not always easy to show on paper. Every month brings some unexpected expense, and there is contingency in our budget, but we often go a wee bit into the OD.
To my mind, Christmas is an expensive time, and we need to just bite the bullet, pay up, enjoy it, then cut back in the couple of months that follow, but he is being really arsey about it. He even went on about not giving his mum the usual £30 M&S vouchers this year, and just getting her a book- he doesn't see that that might make his mum think we are upset with her in some way, especially as she has declined our invitation to spend Christmas with us for the second year running, but has just sent a generous amount of money for all 3 kids, and some for us!
I am fed up with his bah-humbug ways. I love Christmas, and he is like a grumpy old man, bringing everything down. Last weekend, after putting the tree up, I thought it would be lovely to have the fire on for a while- it was cold, and I thought it would be Christmassy and cosy- he wouldn't let me, even though I have just had a letter from the gas company telling me that they owe US £125, due to my energy-saving drive of recent months.
When he said we couldn't afford to go out, I felt really upset. We don't really spend any quality time together, I feel. A few months ago, over a bottle of wine, he joked about when he would "get his old wife back", which was a bit hurtful (we have dc aged 4,3 and 13 mths), but I could see his point, so I lost weight, got my hair done, started making an effort. Now I want to know when I am going to get my fun-loving, sociable DH back- instead of this miserly, fun-sapping old man! I feel like he should see that I deserve a night out, and that he should want to take me out and make me happy. He thinks I am behaving like a spoilt child, and says "OK then! We'll go out. But you can forget buying clothes for the kids" Obviously I would never choose a night out over that. I feel like I always come last in this family. I make lots of effort- I've done all the shopping, cards, do all the cooking, keep the house nice, do loads of stuff with the kids, walk the dogs, do all the washing and ironing, and work as well, which I don't mind, but it would just be nice to be appreciated sometimes. Or is he right- am I just stamping my foot and saying "but I WANT it!"? Isn't it worth a little bit less savings to have a lovely Christmas and some time together?