I feel so depressed about my Mum tonight. Sometimes I don't know if I am in the wrong regarding my Mum and the fact I don't like her. On the outside my Mum looks like a great mum. Devoted and putting her children first etc. However I don't see it like that - I have always felt she puts herself first and I worry that things will come to a head one day and my db's will hate me. We had a generally unhappy childhood as our dad was a bully - mentally not physically and unloving. None of us talk to him although I do miss him and feel sorry for him (this is a whole seperate issue!). He left my mum 5 years ago after 25 years of marriage and she was devasted. Since they split up we have not spoken to him. Not because he left our mum but because he was not a proper dad and not a nice person. I see my mum happy in the fact we don't have anything to do with him. She go's on about how horrible he was as if she was the victim although I never saw him be horrible to her. I know that if he hadn't left her she would still be with him and she stayed with him for all of those years and watched him bully us. I would say that in my parents realtionship my mum wore the trousers although my Dad was obsessively controlling with us. When I was 16 things were so bad and I was so unhappy at home I arranged to go and live with my grandparents who I was very close to. My mum didn't want me to go so told me that the way our Dad treated us was her fault. She told me she had been sexually abused my her Dad when she was young and it caused problems between her and my Dad and it made him the way he was. Anyway, I was young and didn't understand relationships. I just felt sorry for her and stayed at home and things continued as they were. Now it's only in the past couple of years that I keep thinking about what she told me when I was 16 and feeling angry. She has never told my db's or my grandmother (her Dad died when I was 3 so have a step-grandad). I feel so selfish saying this but I am so angry she told for the reasons she did - I feel it was emotional blackmail. Am I wrong to say this? Apologies for the rant - I think I just needed to get things off my chest.I have gone on so long.