Is it just me or is a civil break up worse? I am really struggling with this ...

[jingleMAMADIVAsbells]

Sorry to start another thread about the shithole that is my relationship but I just don't know what the hell I'm doing here...

As I said before we have been together 7.5years we have a 2.5YO son and we have basically been breaking down for the last 2 years.

Thing is we always say 'we'll work it out' and that works for maybe 3 or 4 months then we go through the whole is it worth staying togteher thing, now though after 2 years I don't think it is

We still love each other and really do care about each other but I think it's just dragging us down and we don't want it to get to the stage where we hate each other so I think I'm going to have to be the brave one who actually says there isn't any point, honestly though I feel like it's harder because we don't hate each other because it seems pointless but it's not.

Has anyone else been in this situation? I don't know anyone who hasn't broken up a long term relationship with kids that doesn't involve either actually despising each other or affairs.

How do you go about things it seems like it's breaking my heart I have been crying most of the day at the thought of it but it just has taken it's course I think

No one?

Hello

Sorry to hear you are feeling so sad. Unfortunately I have no real advice but I think you should really try to listen to your gut feelings.

I wish you luck and hope someone else with a similar experience can come on and help you out
x

It probably seems worse cause there's no where to direct anger, eg had an affair THAT's why.

Maybe this isn't the end...

have you had councelling?

If you still love each other, what do you think is the root of the problem?

I did know a couple who broke up when their kids were tiny - no affair and no hatred. The wife just thought the grass was greener elsewhere. She found out it wasn't and they eventually (after about 18 months) got back together.

i left my ex after 14 years together, our son was 2.5 at the time......we reached a point where we had to admit that we were not in love with each other anymore. There were no affairs, no huge rows.......we just made each other miserable and decided to separate before we started to hate and resent each other.

It was hard and i started to wish he would be a bastard so it would make it easier.........then after 3 weeks he announced he was 'sort of' seeing a friend of ours i realised it was so much harder dealing with that anguish.

Anyway it's just over a year on, we both have new partners.....we get on better, like best friends really, all arrangements over our son have been made just between the two of us.....no solicitors involved. We are all much happier.
The hardest part of all of this is having to come to terms with not being with my son everyday because of the shared custody, but in every other aspect of my life i am much happier and healthier too.

Well it sounds a bit like my db and his wife. I can't really speak for him obviously, but all I would say was, if you DO really still love each other, have you gone as far as you can to try to work it out? Have you been to relate or some other relationship counselling?
In my db's case I think there was not much love left and they were not making each other very happy. They had tried to work it out for several years but nothing much had changed. He actually seems relieved now that they have done something proactive about it.

You may well find that it's less awful than you think to live as co-parents (in separate homes) rather than trying to be a couple. If there is fondness and goodwill between you it will be OK.

Well after about 4 hours of talking last night we decided in the end to give it one last try, I was just so exhausted he talked me down in the end

I suppose it can't do any harm can it? We are thinking of going to counselling and we spoke about alot of things so hopefully we can work it out.

Thank You for all your opinions.

DO try couselling - an outside perpective and gentle guidance will definitely allow you to decide whether there is future to your relationship. It does cost - but I am sureyou will find it so beneficial