Alcoholic mum driving me crazy - long story

[GrinAndTonic]

I have reached the ned of my tether and don't know where to turn anymore.
Long story to short:
My mother is an alcoholic. She doesn't think she has a problem. Has been like this my entire life. I have had friends over to her house once in my life. She has never met any boyfriend of mine. She causes embarassment at meals and gatherings. She is a fabulous mother apart from the drinking and arguing. My sister and brother have always said how they feel to her but being the eldest and having a hige guilt compley I feel I cant. She is now interfering in a plan we had (siblings and I) to buy a house together. Sister has told her what she thinks and brother not far off. She and my dad are now sleeping in seperate rooms. They both call to bitch to me about each other. I am on the other side of the world. I can only ring home when she is sober. She is driving away what family she has left. She has driven away all her friends. I would love to tell her that she has a problem but am too scared. I just dont know what to do anymore. She is putting me off moving home next year.
I dont want to talk to her anymore and hear the slurred arguments and comnplaints but she is my mum...
What do I do??

God it's awful. I have no advice I'm afraid. I am in a similar situation with my mother, in that I cannot confront her or talk to her about her drink problem. She is completely in denial.

The way I deal with it is only to speak to her when she is sober - where possible... this means that I do not do family gatherings or dinners any more, and I'll be avoiding her over Christmas. Our relationship is severely limited and this is the only way it works.

Very hard for you, I'm sorry you're having to deal with it.

Contact Al-Anon for support and advice.

Ive had to deal with it my whole life. But now its getting frustrating. I dont want to deal with my parents getting divorced (was bad enough when I was a kid, dad is a step dad). Might call al anon and see what they say. Thanks for that. Its getting so bad that when my neice was born my sister named her Serena Camilla (camilla is my mum). Mum passed out holding serena so the name was changed. Mum was devestated but cant see how its her fault.

Talk to her or lose her. I lost my fabulous alcoholic father last year and you will never get over the feelings of guilt that you will have if something happens and you don;t tell her what you are thinking.

There is a great book 'Adult Children of Alcoholics' by Janet G. Woititz that will probably make you cry but is really good. Take some of it with a pinch of salt but as the oldest too, you have a level of guilt that your bro and sis may not have.

Need to make the tea but let me know if I can talk to you about it.

I maw write her a letter. She will hang up on me if I try to do it over the phone. I dont want to lose my mum but she will lose the entire family if she keeps going the way she is.

Hi,

I can recommend the book mentioned above too.

I'd also like to say that you don't need to tell your mum she has a problem. She knows.

I've spent so much of my life trying to make mine see how she makes everyone else feel but it never sinks in, because she won't let it. The denial in alcoholism is huge and unfortunately the drink gets put before anyone and everything else.

Al Anon could provide you with some much needed suport and tools for coping. Personally, Cognitive behavioural therapy helped me more than anything.

Good luck