Could you advise me, just dont know what to do for the best.

[deanychip]

Its another ils thing, im so sorry i know that there are allot of them at the mo, but i cant stop thinking about it and its making me feel a bit ill tbh.

The usual, they are not interested, havent seen their only gc for about 6 weeks now, i have been counting the weeks to see exsactly how long it takes for them to get in touch.
They only saw ds 6 weeks ago because dh took him to their house.

They offered zero support when i had awful pnd, they only come to the house when they need dh to fix their car, otherwise nothing.
my parents are even less interested in ds.
Thing is, i now feel like i just dont want to have anything to do with them, jsut dont want to talk to them, and they are coming on xmas day. dont want them to.

dont want to upset dh as he doesnt know how i feel, but i feel completely let down and angry at them.

really need to get over this, so tell me another way of viewing the situation, so that i dont feel so awful towards them.

Gosh poor you, they sound like a nightmare.

Is there anyway you can un-invite them for Christmas Day?

Have to dash off to school now but didn't want your post to go unanswered.

thanks, me too, going to school.

think it would upset dh.

Look it's fairly pointless playing a game of 'how long will it be before they get in touch' when only you are playing it. Six weeks is hardly a long time and I doubt very much they're counting. So what if they dont want to see your ds daily/weekly/monthly. They are probably busy getting on with life while you're just sat at home silently demanding they show him attention. They probably have their own level of how intersted they are which falls way short of your expectations so lower yours and treat it as a bonus every time they do see him. My own two see the IL's about once a year. Are they psychologically damaged by it? No. Will they be needing therapy to deal with the 'rejection'? No. My own parents only see them about 4 times a year. Are we bothered? No. Do they boys miss out? No. Does anyone really care and is anyone really counting? Again No. So they see him every 2 months or so, so what, that's an awful lot more than many people so stop fussing. There is a limit as to how entertaining a small baby can be.

Is it rather late now to tell them not to come without stirring up a lot of trouble?

Is there a possibility of talking to dh about your feelings in an unemotional way so that at least he is aware of the difficulties even if he doesn't want to univite them?

Another way to look at it is that it is only one day and if you could decide to make the most of it (limit the time they are with you for example) maybe it won't seem SO bad. You will feel more in control and less resentful.

You could make another day special for you and dh and ds like Christmas Eve or Boxing Day so you have your own day to enjoy without the selfish ils.

Also could you start to plan NEXT Christmas without them so that you have that to look forward to aswell.

ah trifle, kick ass thats what i need! ta chuck, sensible and logical words indeed.

you are right, and i am bloody stupid (although not sitting at home moping or fussing)
i get fed up when every one says how good their parents and ils are and how they take theor kids off their hands for an hour or so thats all.

ds is 5 and asking about them as well.
makes me for him.