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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My mother!

5 replies

christmosschops30 · 08/12/2008 13:37

Am I dealing with this in the right way. Had a huge row with my mum a few weeks ago, didnt speak for 5 weeks.
Last week we spoke for the first time (i made the first move, she said she didnt ring because she didnt know how I'd be, but obviously expected me to), and she rang again this morning, asked about the kids etc.

Having read another thread I am now convinced she is a narcissistic (sp?) parent. Some of the stuff was quite shocking to read and I cant believe this is what Ive been dealing with all my life.

She rung again shortly after asking if I would still do her online shopping (my step father is too ill to do it on his own, and she maintains she cant do it because its too hard). I have no problem doing her shopping and said 'yes thats fine just ring me when you want it doing', to which she replied 'only I thought you might have offered, and said 'mum do you want me to do your shopping' but you didnt'

this sent alarm bells ringing and I replied 'but you want the shopping doing not me, you are quite capable of asking me, but again yes I am happy to do it'.

She went all quiet and funny, am I wrong to think this was manipulative or am I just looking too much into it. This is classic behaviour from her e.g. 'i thought you would ring', 'I thought you would ask' as if placing the blame on me for not asking IYKWIM

OP posts:
titchy · 08/12/2008 14:38

Don't know if it is or not, but would be interested in others' views as I get exactly the same treatment!

so shameless bump.

annemarie30 · 08/12/2008 14:41

I get this same thing from my mother and..yes I think it's very manipulative.

eekareindeer · 08/12/2008 14:47

Hellooo Mossy

christmosschops30 · 08/12/2008 14:51

Oh well Im glad its not just me then, thought i might be over reacting but I do seem to get comments like this all the time, and am now coming to the point where I will no longer pander to their manipulation (and yes its my step father too, I still have a letter from him from years ago where he said if I didnt stop doing what I was doing my mother would have a breakdown and it would all be my fault)

It feels great to finally be the adult and to be able to say things like this. I dont want to be nasty but I do want them to know I wont roll over to this anymore

OP posts:
christmosschops30 · 08/12/2008 14:52

eek, I have another thread on here about that. It hasnt been great, and I actually bought a pack of 10 yesterday, smoked five then snapped the rest and chucked them.
No fags today, am back on the wagon

OP posts:
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