can i stay friends with someone who i fancy but he does not fancy me?

[cheekysealion]

long story i am afraid but will try and cut it short..
was friends with guy when i was 16 we spent lots of time together but never went to the next level even though there was def feelings between us (he still has the cards to prove it)
I ended up getting together with a bad boy and me and friend lost touch.. spent 7 abusive years with the bad boy..

Over the years i have always thought fondly of what me and friend had and wished things had been different between us. i have searched for him but never found him..

last week out of the blue he got in touch, i was in shock we exchanged texts then he came over on friday evening... spent nice evening together then he was texting me when he got home.. we spoke on phone on saturday evening..

then he texted me to say he would like see me again and when would i go over to his to see him, and that he would also like to take me and my children out but he was just gutted that it wasnt us and our children.. i cried at this, thought it was lovely and called him to tell him..he also told me he had been told by a fortune teller he would settle with someone who has 2 children..

we both ended up crying on the phone about what never happened between us and how we had wished it had..And he was upset about what i had gone through with bad boy

I told him seeing him again had brought all my old feelings for him flooding back..

Anyway last night he turned up at my house which i thought was a great sign.. he came in and basically he said "i dont fancy you" i felt compleatly numb he said do you want me to go i just said yes as i didnt have a clue what to say to him..he left and today i feel so gutted about it all

I really felt us being in touch was for a reason and we had another chance, what were the chances of us meeting up and both being single after all these years.

I also kind of feel that he resents me and feels a bit hurt that our friendship vanished when i got with bad boy, he mentioned it a lot while he was here on friday, and i just said but we cant change it now..

he has had a few long relationships but the women have always left him, and he doesnt feel great about relationships..

After all this time I dont want to lose him as a friend but will i feel ok knowing that i would prefer to be together with him and not just friends..

thankyou

Maybe he's just scared of being hurt and rejected again and thinks the easiest way to avoid being hurt is by not having a relationship with someone who obviously means a lot to him as if it didn't work out it would probably hurt him more than any other relationship?

I would stay friends with him and see what happens.

Dp and I had a very similar conversation about how we could never be together (he said because I had dd1 and he was too young to be a dad and I said because he wasn't over his ex) 7 yrs on we're really strong and about to get married so never say never.

Perhaps he's reeling from the shock of finding you again?

Lots of maybes and perhaps' but I wouldn't get too upset just yet x

No, I would say you need to leave it be. It sounds like melodrama you don't need in your life. Onwards and upwards girl! You have done the right thing leaving a crap relationship, and you aren't going to get into a better one while you are mooning around after a guy who doesn't know what he wants. You don't need him as a friend or anything else, move on and be kind to yourself. Seven years of crap is enough for one lifetime.

Wise words froM BitOfFun.

Take him at his word - he doesn't fancy you and you're not friens so there is nothing to pursue here.

Why did he get in touch?

Could he be in denial, for the reasons you mention about his previous relationships?

Or does he want to "get back" at you for dropping him for your ex?

I'm sorry, but if the spark isn't there, it just isn't there. This is probably why you and he never hooked up when you were 16.

He may have fond memories too, perhaps he's just come out of a bad relationship? He had this notion of getting together with you but has sensibly realised that it wouldn't work. You may get on like a house on fire as friends, but you need more than that to make a relationship.

Yes you still can be friends, because he's told you exactly where he stands. He could still be a father figure to your children and be the support that you need right now. So don't turn him away. You need to accept that you are not what he is looking for and accept that this will not change.

The man of your dreams is still out there, somewhere. Perhaps in reviving this old friendship, it may help you to discover someone who really does deserve you.

I have some wonderful male friends, one particular best friend. He tells me when he has a girlfriend and has offered advice on my relationships too. In some ways he's always acted as my 'protector', looking out for me. In the early days when I was courting, his friendship was invaluable.

So I would take his friendship and get the most out of that.

thanks for the responses

He did say this to me- "my outlook on relationships has changed which has not helped how i feel..however i am so happy we are back in touch, i have been in tears, and want to see you again.. I dont know how you feel about that but i dont want to lose you after all this time"

think i just need to take it for what it is at the moment

God he sounds so emotionally incontinent. Yuck.

His whole approach sounds so manipulative - he's giving you all the signs of being deeply affected by your reunion but while telling you he doesn't fancy you and there will be no relationship.

Run, run like the wind.

Take it for what it is: NOTHING!

Do you really need this level of drama in your life when you have a child and have already got rid of one bastard?

skidoodle- i like the emotionally incontinent!! ha ha that has made me smile..

I know from experience that these kinds of 'does he doesn't he' things do NOTHING for your self esteem. As skidoodle says, run like the wind!

your right my confidence is at an all time low now