Am I just destined to be a hermit? (long sorry!)

[Siriusmewandtinseltoo]

I'm not sure if this is the best place to post this but am hoping you could all help me. I don't have any friends in RL. I know it sounds really sad but I have real problems talking to people. Whenever i try and engage in conversation at DS1s pre school with the other mums i get really nervous and my voice seems to become a sort of hysterical squeak! I think afterwards that they all see me as some kind of idiot. Even posting on here is a bit scary. What if no one answers? what if I sound like a fool? I never had this prblem before i had the kids. DP says i shouldn't have such low self esteem but i don't even understand why it is low! Sorry if this is really long but it gets me down not having anyone but DP or my mum to talk too.

Have you thought about joining some sort of group to build up your confidence, like a drama group or a choir?

What happened to your friends from before you had DS1?

Did you have a hard time at school?

you have made the first step here

Oh Sirius, I know exactly where you are coming from. It has taken me ages to get friends in this area. I had Uni/Work friends but noone close to home and I felt at a loss as to how to find any.
When DS1 was at preschool it changed for me, he made friends with two boys and the other Mom's started arranging playdates and outings and things got so much better. Once you have one friend it starts to grow and you meet theirs.
I also made friends with another Mom via a Slimming Club.
Does your DS1 have any friends at preschool/is his birthday coming up (parties are a good way of meeting other Moms).
Are any other MNers close to you? Where do you live?
I totally understand, my DH was shocked that his previous party animal wife was so shy and quiet.

You don't sound like an idiot! I used to have the squeaky voice thing happen to me sometimes when I was giving presentations at work.

Don't worry about making friends, it will happen. After I became a mum I lost a lot of confidence and worried when I didn't make friends but once ds started nursery I made loads in fact I now get stressed because I don't feel that I spend enough time at home on my own with ds.

It is hard making friends when you have children, in order to become friends with someone you have to be on the same wavelength and it is order to ascertain what someone is like when you are having a three way conversation which inevitably happens if you have a child in tow. I thought that I was destined to become billy no mates when I didn't hit it off with anyone in my antenatal group or m&t groups. Now I have made friends through ds's nursery my confidence in talking to adults seems to have returned and I am obviously appearing more approachable as I seem to be chatting to everyone these days!

Don't worry it will happen just keep smiling and don't wear too much boden. I was always very intimidated by the head to toe boden clad mums.

My friends from before don't have kids so our conversations sort of peter out after a few minutes. I was really quite popular at school. I'm not sure why other people's opinion matter so much.

hiya sirius,well done for posting,i know that will have taken some courage.

i can only speak from my experience but i think that this happens to quite a few mums,you seem to lose your identity,after all for the last 2,3 years you,ve been concentrating on your child and looking after them and its easy to lose confidence when your child starts nursery etc.

this happened with me when DD went to nursery,what i did was the following:

meet my friends for a coffee either in mine,theirs or in a cafe.

make sure i spoke to my best friend at least once a week to catch up.

go out on my own for the day whenever finances permitted,sometimes i would just go to the library,

with me the most important part was making sure i spoke to other adults other than DH and the kids.

i never thought id get my confidence back but i did,and enough to enroll at college and start driving lessons.

please post more if you need to,there are no doubt many who have been in your position.

HTH

jen
xx