'The rules' - I am rubbish

[MrsSportacus]

Back in the game after a long time. How true is this 'rules' stuff? Have seen this bloke I really like a few times - and yes we have. But I tend to text my friends a lot and i text this bloke every day...not stalker loads just once or twice..chatty stuff nothing heavy. But my friends have all told me i'm nuts and he'll run to the hills. I've made it quite obvious I like him...is that not the right thing to do?

I broke all the rules when I met my new bf...lots of texts/phonecalls/emails, and he loved it. He said blokes can feel just as insecure etc as girls, and he was delighted everytime I got in touch, was glad to know I wanted to be in touch with him. Said he regularly had a big grin on his face when I texted random things during the day

Did I say new bf?? its been over a year how time flies!

9 yrs here, 2 kids, an engagement and impending wedding.
I totally blew rules.
11hrs from first meeting to bed...
Blind date too
Failed plenty using the rules back in the day though

I suppose part of the trouble is that i feel like he can see beyond ' Hey, this rain is bad, bleurgh' to my true meaning which is 'Omg i can't stop thinking about you, you prime piece of gorgeousness, please love me!' Hehe.

In my experience when you meet the right one all that stuff goes out of the window.

Piffle, have got you beat by about 7 hours

Rules my arse. I can't stand that stuff. Its basic message is "PRETEND you have a life and are hard to get, but actually sit around counting the days before you phone him / seconds before you pick up the phone etc etc and think about nothing else but how to string him along." Just be yourself, and it's more likely to work out I think.

I know but I'm trying not to look needy. And I am needy!! It's an internet thing too....he's prob got loads on the go

...most men have absolutely no idea what any 'rules' are supposed to be.

Just make up your own. You will be fine!

'The Rules' is misogynistic bullshit with a basic message of 'pretend you are not a person, men must be placated and gratified and flattered all the time.'
If you are getting friendly responses to your texts, carry on, if you are getting few responses or abrupt ones, back off a bit (human beings vary in how much contact they want at any given time). But otherwise, do what suits you.

I think if he's as keen as you are he will love the attention,its the ones who arent so "into" you who would find it heavy and they arent worth worrying about.

This was all horrible at 13 and it's even worse now!! Does it ever get easy???

I can so relate to this because I'm exactly the same! Met my DP online and after 7 months we're engaged. I still obsess about whether I should contact him but that's because I'm insecure. But when I initiate contact, he loves it and always has.

I agree with the others, as long as you're not over the top (and you aren't), keep texting him. Does he respond or ever initiate contact as well? If he's into you he'll be flattered and it'll make him happy.
The rules are for women who wait for things to happen to them and you don't sound like that. Glad you've met somebody nice and good luck!

Well after three great dates and me texting him like a loon I decided to stop and see if he contacted me. Nothing. Three days now. He's just not that into me huh?

Don't you think you may just have really confused him and he may think you have gone off him?

he is probably wondering what he has done to upset you as he hasnt heard from you

Agree that he's probably baffled by the lack of contact. I wouldn't play games or take any notice of the 'rules'.

I met someone over a month ago. Had a few dates and yes we did, well he was leaving the area. I kept up the contact whilst he was away. Our emails etc got more loving each time. I was in drunk high spirits one night and told him how I felt, he was delighted and said he felt the same and I'm eagerly awaiting his return next week. I broke all the 'rules'.

He probably thinks you've found someone else on t'Internet!
If your texts are getting favourable responses, I think it's safe to say that the other person appreciates them. Everyone is different; you just need to respond to them and not some horrible dating handbook written by people whose husbands left them!
Have you tried texting him again?

A friend of mine (who used to curse in a marvelously blue fashion) did the rules, got engaged, married and for a year after she was married she was walking on eggshells that he would find out she was indeed human. He wedding way so BORING as she was behaving herself so much.. Only now a few years later has she relaxed a bit and feels she can let rip - in all senses!

The rules are for Americans who don't exclusively date and have a few on the go at the one time IMHO! The point is to make him realise you are 'the one' and he should ditch all the 'slappers' he's also sleeping with.

Chill out and be yourself - and that way you'll know if he's good enough to be with YOU, not some plastic, rule bound version.

The Rules are just game-playing mindfucks best left behind in secondary school.

Honestly, when it's right, you don't need someone else's ideas of what's right to guide your behaviour or his reaction to it.

You're not stalkerish, if the relationship is meant to be and healthy he'll be able to see that.

If he runs for the hills, he's not on the same wavelength as you and you'd best move on.

The Rules - remember they're written for the American dating market and also mostly for never married girls looking to get married and live happily ever after. All a bit stepford.

However, I do think there's no harm in making a man want and miss you sometimes - so, let him text you first sometimes, perhaps leave him be for a day every so often. I think it makes them realise just how wonderful you are. It's not game playing, just an easy way to ensure you're appreciated.

Was it you doing all the texting and him responding?

If that was the case and now you haven't texted for three days and haven't heard from him either, then it does appear that you were the one doing all the running and, sorry, but he really just isn't that interested.

ime when a man is interested he wastes no time in getting in touch and keeping in touch.

Also, your RL friends have told you not to behave the way you are. Let's face it, it's ok us lot on the screen giving advice but your RL friends know you and your previous relationship history/behaviour.

I used to do the rules and imo it does work when the feelings aren't that real. ie you can make a man feel niggly and frustrated with them and keep him interested in that respect BUT if he really likes you then you just don't need them. I married my dh after a couple of months and we are still together 7 years later. We really liked each other and we didn't really think of playing games. If a man really likes you and the connection is real then I just don't think it is possible to scare them off.

Either a guy is 'into' you or not. If he is, he will call / text incessantly whether you prompt him or not.

Agree if you haven't heard in 3 days he's not that into you. Was it him who texted last or you?