Hiya this is really long!! Sorry. I've namechanged as well because it's going to make me sound quite stupid
I'm a single mum with a child at school and a toddler at home.
I've known this man (he is very nice so I'll call him that) for about 6 or 7 years now. We started off sort of hanging out/ going on casual dates while I was seeing someone else (lets call him bloke), who wasn't committed to me - but I was in love with my bloke and wouldn't go out with Nice man, despite his being very persistent.
In fact I didn't really consider him as dating material because a) I was in my twenties and pretty new to sex and men and such (late starter) and felt I had a lot of stuff to do - he was 9 years older and settled, I thought that would be boringly 'it' if I chose him, and b) I was madly obsessed and slightly barking over this other bloke, so nobody could come near him in my heart.
Roll on a few years and I only see the nice man out and about sometimes; I have had a baby and have been unceremoniously dumped by bloke, and am nearly over him.
Nice man has started seeing a woman who lives a long way away. They don't get to meet up more than once every week or two but he seems happy - however, perhaps because he was apparently really into me originally, he still compliments me and is lovely to me whenever we meet.
I start seeing a workmate of Nice man, it seems serious and he tells workmate that he is 'a lucky boy' which starts me wondering. Workmate starts showing signs of being an arse...I start to think about nice man more and more, but he is still with Long Distance woman and I tell myself not to be so silly, and then I become pregnant with arse/workmate, and we split up, (he was a total arse) and I wish it was Nice man's baby. About a year later I tell Nice man this - as I am by then thoroughly in love with him, though he is still dating LD woman. He responds kindly, I feel guilty, nothing happens.
I now have two kids who are not his. I feel he could probably never forgive me that, considering he offered to bring up the first one himself, he was that keen on me
and I lost my chance.
However...after pining for him over the last nearly 3 years, finally things look a bit more hopeful...or possibly I am being a naive fule and kidding myself
I mentioned the other week that I had someone after me, and he kind of suddenly became interested - asked if I was Ok, and so on. We talked briefly about things in general, he mentioned he was feeling left out by his LD woman, who is working and on courses and so on for ages, so he hasn't seen her for a month. I mentioned that I didn't want to date this other person as it wasn't serious, and I wanted my next partner to be serious and not messing about.
We left it at that. (We generally kind of ponder the idea of us being together and how it would/wouldn't work, when we see each other. It sounds weird but we are somehow quite close and he is good to talk to, and we both know nothing'd happen as he's with her. (I think...still)
Anyway yesterday I took the kids to his town as we needed to do shopping, and walked by his house (not hard - small town) and he was there working on his car. He seemed really pleased to see us and actually invited us in for a cuppa which I never thought he would, really.
We talked a while, the kids behaved (!)and it was lovely, comfortable - I could just be me, it's always been that way. He was dead nervous, I could tell - but he relaxed too after a few minutes.
He said he hadn't seen her for a month and I said I wouldn't want to come between you, that's not what I want, you've to make a decision eventually I suppose - see how you go. He just said he might not be with her forever, and he grabbed my knee and held it as he said 'You know I would, dont you - if I didn't have the girl (friend)'
He had also said he was perfectly happy to come here and hang about if I needed to invent a boyfriend to put the other bloke off.
And he had earlier asked me if I had blue eyes like the children and got up and stared into my eyes to see. This is the kind of stuff he would do in the old days.
We left it at that, just a kiss on the cheek and he asked me to write my address and number for him. However he has done that before and never called but not all the other stuff. This time he really seemed very keen, he said he had been hoping I'd pass by, and what a treat it was, and how nice i looked ...he just seemed like he used to in the old days when I wasn't interested, but this time I really am.
Now I really need some help figuring this out. Do you think he is actually into me like that or perhaps only ever was when I was taken...or is he cross with his LDW for putting her career first (not good, really - why shoudln't she? - but it is taking her away from him more than ever, so perhaps it says something about the relationship already, I don't know and not my business)
and just trying to have a bit of fun while she isn't around.
He said something about deciding there was nothing wrong with having friends although she would be very suspicious if she knew.
I told him I wasn't interested in affairs a while ago, he knows I'm not up for that.
I can't stop thinking about him all day and am on a fuzzy cloud of potential happiness, I've wanted him for so long and have dreamed about our life together, but am prob being very very silly and need to get a grip.
MN jury please...he is just having a lark while she's away, isn't he? I have just read this entire thing and he sounds like a right player. It is just his sudden change in behaviour towards me that has made me wonder. I just don't know what to think.