mixed relationships

[bubbly1973]

are you in one? do you know anyone in one? were you in one?
do you find it hard going being in one
was it hard for you to be together initially, did loved ones accept it straight away or was it hard going

how are things now?

so many questions!!

thats a sad story but at least he is with you, you sound lovely, congratulations on your pg btw, the idea of meeeting dps family scares me to death too no that i would ever want to meet them

p.s ill post my story later im supposed to be studying !!!!

lol, I should be studyign too, but too heavily pg to do anything.

Part of me doesn't want to meet his family after the things they've said abt me, and their attitude towards me. But on the other hand I want the twins to know their family and both sides of their heritage and my partner is very close to his family, and I would like us to be accepted for his sake.

Kelly, I know exactly how you feel. I really hope my mum has changed, I want dd to know her.

It is so sad that the kids lose out because of old fashioned attitudes. My parents are far happier now that dp lives with me, and they like him a lot.

My mother still has difficulties accepting that we have two cultures to balance in our household - she seems to think that everything should be done the white way and dp should fit in with all our beliefs and attitudes. I get lots of strange comments off her, but I tend to ignore it now.

Cos I moved a good 200 miles from my family, I really would like to have soem sort of family around me, but I don't think it is ever going to be all happiness and light with his relations.

its not fair on the kids is it i feel so sorry for dd she never sees my family or dps and its not fair but its them that are missing out

you get these sorts of problems with some Jewish parents as well. I'm Jewish and DH is non Jewish but fortunately that has never been an issue with my family. But I have had friends who have had clandestine relationships with non-Jewish boys (it usually seems to be the Jewish girls who are more under the thumb and hide it, rather than the boys).I've got a friend who had a 5 year clandestine relationship with one non-Jewish boy, that ended, and is now seeing another non-Jewish boy, and keeping that secret from her parents (despite the fact she regularly goes on holiday with him - suspect some major denial going on!!!). I am really annoyed with her over this second one; when the first was happening, she was living at home, studying, and couldn't have managed financially if her parents threw her out, and the boyfriend didn't want to commit. But now she is a teacher, has been working for several years, and could afford to rent a place of her own, rather than creep around lying.

my ex was jamician and im white. i met him when i was 19 and he was 28. My dad didnt want me to go out with a black man only white. i was with this ex for 3 yrs and my mums family excepted him but not my parents (mum had to stand by with my dad which i understand as they were married together). His family excepted me but one thing did annoy me was mum as she didnt want to talk about him and was trying to set me up a date with a white man which completely flipped me so yeah it was hard... Once we went to Whitley Bay on a bank holiday weekend and i believe the people are very racist (newcastle as you dont see any black people there but this was 8 yrs ago), me and ex walked into a pub and everyone stopped drinking and was staring at my ex and this couple who was standing next to us was saying summat about us and i just said "Hello?" (just to give them a fright! - ).

sorry to hear so much ignorance an mean-spiritedness from the older generation, it really is their loss

Just to add my twopence worth..I'm white English, dh is Chinese Malaysian but grew up in Australia. We have been lucky, or rather treated properly, as neither family has ever had any problem at all. I have visited the enormous extended family in Malaysia several times an everyone has been great, can't wait to take the kids there to meet everyone. We now live with MIL and here in Australia the SE Asian/White mix is set to be the new superbreed and kids like mine are ten a penny although it is still rare to find SE Asian men with White women, don't know why.

Incidently one of my cousins is married to a Gherka and her vile bastard father tried to have him deported and on the other side of the family my cousin is married to a Mongolian woman.

Widen that gene-pool and behold the gorgeous children

Do hope your parents see sense before they pass away, those of you who are having difficulties

@ biglips
In norfolk it was all white ppl, and my dp and I used to get strange looks quite often. I also found it in central London tho, from ppl of all backgrounds.

Mixed race children can be soo attractive. I'm really lookign forward to meeting mine tomo, and seeing what features of me and my partner they have inherited. I've been so curious to know, because they will be mixed race. My other 2 are blonde and blue eyes so these are going to look very diff.

Norfolk isn't entirely white now, not Norwich anyway; there's a Race Equality Council now whereas when I was growing up my mum was one of the few Asian people around. But I know it's still pretty tough there, I think it is in many places outside the big cities.

I'm with Suzywong's superbreed - my kids have two mixed parents

My mum once made a comment, before I met dw, that mixed race children were "neither fish nor fowl" and would suffer as a result. I told her that any children of mine would be blessed as they would learn the best of two cultures. The last lauh is on her, though because my lazy brother lives with her with his Thai wife and their son. They are living off my mum, too. I can see that she can see how she's messed up! She has learned to keep her mouh shut now, so hopefully things will improve.

happy daddy, has your mother asked to see dd yet? do you think in the near future they will meet? just curious..if they meet, let us know how all went, your dd is gorgeous, yourmother will be smittened by her im sure!!

kelly i hope you see this message...CONGRATULATIONS!! AND GOOD LUCK! i hope all goes well tomorrow when you finally meet your babies...oooo twins, how lovely!! all the best

kelly has your dp's mother and father accepted you yet? i found from experience that as soon as my parents accepted both me and dh being together, then all other indians crawled out of the wood work (im gujarati too)

its almost like they want to speak to you both but feel they cant until the parents have accepted it so as not to be disloyal or disrespectful

kelly when you do finally meet dp's parents i am sure they will be very respectful once they meet you, going by my own experience, they called dh all the names under the sun before they knew him, now i find they respect him and bend over backwards to accomadate him..gujaratis tend to be like that!!

mummytosteven, i sort of know why your friend still hasnt said anything to her parents, its just less hassle...my parents still dont know i smoke!! it was a killer when we went to india and i had to go and hide to smoke, then having to pick my fag ends off the floor, cos lets face it, a fag butt with lipstick on it and me around, they would put 2 and 2 together as no other indian girl would be smoking in india!!

dh laughs at me and says that theres nothing they could do if they found me smoking, but trust me they will always have some sort of hold over me, hard to explain really!!

as for mixed relationship children, i dont really think these days there is a problem with them knowing there identity as there are so many around...also i may be biast (sp?) but they have the most lovely colour skin, like a nice golden colour even in the winter...wish i was that colour!!

bubbly, my mum saw her when she was really little. but hasn't for 6 months. my dw is thawing a little as my mum has managed to keep her mouth shut for a while. my mum is learning what it's like to be shut out and is regretting it.

Let's see, the shortened version.

My family taken to DH quickly and easily. They call him the albino. They love to feed him up and to spoil him. They think he's a wonderful dad and would give me hell if they thought I'd upset him. (He's white/British)

His family can't stand me. I'm too black, too opinionated, too self confident and too independent. They don't see the kids, they have no interest. They spend their time telling DH how I have corrupted him and am keeping him away from them. I could go on but to be honest the more they stay away from me and out of my life, the more I like it.

Do my kids suffer? Nah! They are completely loved by all the family that are involved with them. Do his family suffer? I just don't give a flying....................

We've been married almost 15 years. Things aren't going to change and we really don't mind. He sees them when he wants to, but they have no interest in us.

kelly: all the best for tomorrow. Let us know how things are going when you can. It may take you some time though. They don't have take up a whole lotta time and energy.

Thanks for all the good luck messages - I'll let u know as soon as I can, prob be months before I get chance with four kids to look after.

Bubbly - his family still haven't spoken to me, although they ask how I am and some of them have bought presents for the babies. I'm thinking they will have to come round to give the babies the things, so that will be a start. I can't imagine them ever bending over backwards tho!

lol @ marslady's dp the albino!! My dp calls me Ghostie, cos I'm very pale.