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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

dumped while pregnant

26 replies

guzby · 07/12/2008 13:54

My man left me while i am 5 months pregnant. He's got a reason. The pregnancy was not planned and he's still going through a divorce. He says that he will come back after the divorce. Any ideas?

OP posts:

FiveDollarShake · 07/12/2008 14:00

So the reason he's left is because he's still married and the pregnancy is unplanned. I honestly wouldnt give him chance to return after he's divorced. He sounds like a tosser.

FiveDollarShake · 07/12/2008 14:02

Sorry if that sounds harsh Guzby .
But you'd probably be better off on you're own. Have you got friends and family who can support you?

littleboyblue · 07/12/2008 14:02

How awful. Agree with FDS tbh. What difference does a signiture on a bit of paper make when it comes to being a father?

Overmydeadstuffedturkey · 07/12/2008 14:02

I agree.

Tosser.

Why would you want him to come back?

JumpingJingleBellsDizzy · 07/12/2008 14:03

Why did you have a fake wedding?

HarlotOTara · 07/12/2008 14:03

I was dumped whilst pregnant - at least my dd's father didn't feel he could cope with the committment of having a child. My dd and I survived - she is 18 now. How are you feeling? Have you other support around? I am very sorry this has happened to you. Re. your partner, I am a bit puzzled about why he can't be around whilst he is getting a divorce. Are you able to say more about this?

Original poster

guzby · 07/12/2008 14:07

he already started divorce process before i got pregnant..pregnancy was not planned.. He wanted the baby more than me at the beginning so we didn't abort.

But he just couldn't cope when divorce issue 'climaxed'. I must confessed i was also difficult on him. So he wanted to move out for a break....wants to come back with a clean slate.

OP posts:

Original poster

guzby · 07/12/2008 14:09

He calls me daily and pays for all expenses as i have quit my work now....So

OP posts:

FiveDollarShake · 07/12/2008 14:15

My DP was married ( but seperated) when we met. I became pregnant (unplanned) within a couple of months. DP started his divorce proceedings whilst a was pregnant at my request as i didnt want him to be married to someone else when DS was born.

I know people are different but at no time would my DP have left me for a break, intending to return when his divorce was finalised. I wouldnt have let him. You need him now!

Original poster

guzby · 07/12/2008 14:20

My fault i guess. I told him that it's better if he is away than if he is gloomy and preoccupied with divorce while being with me. He took it literally. I was too proud to ask him not to go. Then he wanted to come back. I told him to come back when the 'worst' is over. And now the worst is over. He has already filed divorce....He will be single when baby will be born.

OP posts:

FiveDollarShake · 07/12/2008 14:35

I thought he had left you...not you told him to leave. That puts a different angle on it. He has already asked to come back then. I thought you said he'd come back after the divorce?
I'm confused .

If he wants to come back...and you want him to come back I assume...then whats the problem?

JumpingJingleBellsDizzy · 07/12/2008 14:38

But why did you both have a fake wedding for your family?

Original poster

guzby · 07/12/2008 14:39

Thanks FDS. he said he wanted to be left alone for a while. Then i told him to take a break then. What does it mean when a man says that 'he wants to be left alone for a while'. Doesn't that mean he wants to leave?

OP posts:

littleboyblue · 07/12/2008 14:40

I think I must of misunderstood too. If you both want to be tgether then give it another go. Whn I got with dp, I thought it was just gonna be casual, unil 2 weeks in he moved all his stuff into my flat.... I fell pg (unplanned) after 3 months. He then told me he was married but had been seperated for 2 years. We have been together 3 years now, have 2nd child on the way and he is still married.
It doesn't really matter either way imo, if you want to be with him and he hasn;t been the jerk some of us thought he had been from your op, then forget all this and just get on with it.
Good luck

Original poster

guzby · 07/12/2008 14:41

JJBD, we did that because otherwise it would have been impossible to have baby....given my family background and culture

OP posts:

JumpingJingleBellsDizzy · 07/12/2008 14:43

So how did you manage to have a fake wedding? Is that legal?

Maybe your hormones aren't helping. I was awful when pg especially with ds1

He sounds very mixed up though. Just be on your guard and think of you and your baby. Do you have other children?

Original poster

guzby · 07/12/2008 14:44

thanks LBB. I feel the same. He WILL be divorced before birth. I saw the 'deed of divorce'. Islamic talaq. So i will take him back now i guess......

OP posts:

FiveDollarShake · 07/12/2008 14:44

How could you have a fake wedding? I dont understand. Your family think you're married then?

Original poster

guzby · 07/12/2008 14:49

This is my first one. Yes JJBD he is a bit mixed up. His divorce was due to 'practical and logistical' reasons (which pre-existed before our relationship) and not any conflict/hatred with ex wife...That's what makes me insecure i guess.

OP posts:

Original poster

guzby · 07/12/2008 14:52

Yes. My family thinks we are married. But now he is away. So i had tell my family that he is abroad.....

OP posts:

FiveDollarShake · 07/12/2008 14:53

You need to sit down and talk to him. Dont let his marriage/divorce ruin your relationship. If you want to be together, you should want it regardless of whether he's going through a divorce etc. You need to sort it before the baby arrives. If there is no conflict with his wife then it should be a straightforward divorce.

Original poster

guzby · 07/12/2008 14:59

His wife does not want the divorce. She is clinging for reasons of culture and their son. But islamic divorce cannot be contested. It is almost final when a man pronounces divorce and files the divorce deed through a lawyer.

OP posts:

Original poster

guzby · 07/12/2008 15:02

my fear is that he might feel emotions for ex-wife after divorce...I will not be able to relax till she is remarried to someone else.

OP posts:

FiveDollarShake · 07/12/2008 15:02

Just out of interest...can an islamic woman file for divorce against her husband?

Original poster

guzby · 07/12/2008 15:05

Yes FDS. It is called 'Khula'. But then she will not get any compensation or alimony as we christians know.

OP posts:

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