just need to talk anyone still up?

[socialpariah]

I am in love with someone who can't be mine. Please no roastings!

Yes very small society. Of course he is automatically forgiven by all and I am shunned. Children were all friends and we were very close. It really is a horrible situation and when I think about it I feel so ashamed. I just ache for him though and thats when I am susceptable to the flannel!

Hang on, so this man who shags you, only leaves his wife when he is found out and then goes snivelling back to her, is treated with forgiveness and you are despised? Where do you live:Royston Vasey? Or some timewarped peasant backwater?
Firstly, it is no one else's business apart from you, the man, your XH and his DW.

He is either a gutless loser who is content to let his wife and her friends push him around, or he's the manipulative type who wants to have several women yearning for him while he wafts about moaning in agony at his emotional pain and inability to actually play straight with any of them.

Yes the holiday is a v good idea. How old are your DC by the way and who are they living with?

I think he is more anthing for a quiet lfe type! It is a bit Royston Vasey here.I have been hounded, threats to smash my windows etc.

My dc are all under twelve. Four of them. I share custody. Its about 60/ 40.

Threats to smash your windows? That's disgusting. You might want to think seriously about informing the police if you are being harassed and threatened. These people are not 'friends', they are vicious morons.
Anyone who thinks that sexual jealousy justifies violence or criminal damage is fuckwitted scum: no exceptions, no excuses.
You poor girl. Is your own XP (sorry, the DC's father, not the silly sod who can't make up his mind) remotely sympathetic or civil to you ie has he got over the break-up to the extent that he might give you some support? Because it might be worth considering if it's possible to move away from Inbred Village to somewhere a bit more civilised.

He has given me support. He has been a star tbh. He has let me stay when I am scared and picked up the children when its all been to much. I have just hurt him so much though and I know he wants reassurance that I don't love the other person and I can't lie to him. Maybe a holiday would be a good idea.

SP my heart goes out to you. My first love came back into my life recently, and I have always held a flame for him. My current realationship has been through a really difficult time, I could of easily picked up with first love but worked hard at what I have. I still think what if ALOT of the time. My feelings for him have never changed
I dream of us being together, but for now it is not meant to be.
I believe everything happens for a reason, stay strong and look after yourself.

Yes if you can leave the children with him then take the holiday, it will help a lot.
But do think about reporting the bullies to the police as their behaviour is so unacceptable, especially if it is people not directly involved (ie neither your XH nor your lover's DW) engaging in the threats: they have no justification for this and should in fact be firmly slapped down by the law.

Think maybe I will take them. I really hate being on my own as am used to the noise and mayhem. They have been through a lot too so it might be a good idea.

Am back. Want to thank everyone for their support. Know deep down it has to stop but I feel so gullible and worthless. Best advice I can give anyone considering - don't. Its not worth it............. Know I am so much stronger than him. He just won't come through for me, well not for longer than a few days anyway.

I do feel for you, and I don't think you deserve your name. You may be a pariah in your area, but you do not deserve total blame. It takes two to make a marriage, and two to destroy it (discounting the OM - if your marriage was what you wanted, OM wouldn't have stood a chance). If you weren't happy in your marriage, that is not totally your fault. No one looking from the outside has the right to judge you. Your ex may be a good man, but that doesn't mean he was the right man for you (I say this from personal experience) If people are threatening you, you should call the police. Nobody has the right to threaten you or judge you and threats of breaking your windows are totally out of order.

You are in a very unfair place and your local society sounds unbelievably condemnatory. Take your time to find out what YOU want. It sounds like the best thing would be to have some time on your own, being yourself, with your DCs.