Honest opinions please

[PrettyPinkPrincess]

I'm quite confused about things, and really need people to turn to. I have been having problems with my DP, and I am not sure what to do now. I love him, but we just seem to argue. When we're in the house together, we just seem to watch tv and I think he seems so bored, and he probably thinks the same for me. We do get on most of the time, but when we argue, it's over little things that don't seem to matter. Our last arguement almost broke us up, and I have been deeply hurt by this. His approach to arguements are for him to usually call me names, shouts at me, and then usually storms out of the house. Of course, I shout back, but I try not to call him names, and I'm usually left in tears.

He also seems to be a bit fussy with who I am friends with. I've noticed he doesn't like me talking to guys, even if it's his own friends. Jealousy is part of the issue. I don't want to be in fear of him hurting me again. He has done so in the past, and I don't want history to repeat itself. We're having space from one another at the moment since the arguement. But I'm afraid that when I see him next, I won't feel the same. Or I'm afraid that things won't change. I want things to get better, but I don't know how to get them to be?

happydaddy, how did your DW get you to talk more? Maybe it could help out me and flic23

good idea ppp i have been trying for 2 years now to no avail its like talking is an attack on his masculinity

I wish I could help you flic23, but my relationship seems to be in a mess at the moment, so I can't be of too much help.

I know, they always seem to avoid it. I know with my DP, he's worried that it will make him vulnerable so I can hurt him. But why would I? At times, he does upset me and I feel like banging his head against the wall, but we all get like that don't we?

flic23, are you my dw?
I don't do flowers cos I'd get "flowers? are they meant to make up for xxxxx? you'll have to do better than that, blah blah"
I'm not perfect by any means, this is what my dw uses on me to get me to talk about stuff. I'm much more open now but it took months of her trying to get me to open up in the first place.

flowers would not make up for it but it would be a start . He makes me feel that if i walked out the door he would just sit there like if i dont like it whats the point he isnt going to change, makes me so mad i dont want grand gestures just consideration. amyway gota go DS is trying to trash the room will check in again

That's exactly what my dw says. She needs to be shown consideratioin, which isn't much to ask is it?

flic23, I've had that sort of feelings with DP before. Once I remember, he said something that really offended me, but he didn't apologise for it, he just sulked. So I started packing my things away, and he said "oh so you're leaving?" and I said "yes because you're making it quite clear that you don't want me around". Sometimes I think they need re-reminding of what they'd miss if they lost it all, which is what me and DP are doing now on this break. He's already said he wants me back, but it's just me wanting to not rush back. I don't want to go back too soon, and then realise that nothing has changed, or to go back too late, and he's moved on.

DP doesn't seem to consider my feelings when we argue though. Only after it's too late and I've ended up hurt/upset because of it, or not at all.

I have just had a thought. If DP is trying to control me, how do I make him stop? Especially if he doesn't realise he's doing it?

the foundations imo to a happy relationship are firstly trust and communication with consideration comming high up as well - thats before love. becuase i truly honestly believe that without trust you cannot possible have a lasting love.

i am presuming you have not been shaggin around and giving him cause for mistrust or act all flirty around his mates. that being said your fella has got a problem if he doesnt trust you talking to his mates when he is in the room - i mean come on thats just fking absurd!

men are simple folk but very cunning too. if you want to be bought flowers for absolutley no occasion whatso ever - you have to tell them " i want you to buy me flowers for absolutley no occasion" to which my dh replies " so do i" ( guess what clever arse is getting for easter!) i find on my part a pinched arse once in a while - a nice comment and running inuendo that would make carry on camping cringe works for us - double entantres - makes a smile or a laugh. life is so very boring without a laugh. ever played him for money at cards - just 2 pences - better than watching telly. and the most boring ting on the planet is great for opening up conversation - walking. tell him to walk with you to the shops - we have out best conversation on the way to the shops and back. usually it gives me chance to tell him things i have been worrying about. the thing is not to get aggressive with your tone so " why the fck do you always leave your shit all over theplace " might not be the best way to sort a problem out.

at the momnt its not good for any children you have - and lets face it lifes to short for all this farting and dancing about.

Think u are realy brave PPP i have thought about leaving to show him what he would miss but to scared he wouldnt miss it. Told him what was what last night re. never spending time with me and DS he just sat there and didnt say anything. Frustrating though it is I know this is just how he is. The real test will be what happens over the weekend after all he could say what I wanted to hear and do nothing different but action really matter all I want is to go out for dinner or something something is going to have to be done if he cant come up with that on his own