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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Feeling pretty miserable.

7 replies

distraught80 · 06/12/2008 00:56

Well i don't even know where to start really.....

I met my dh just over 6 yrs ago, we moved in together 6 mths later, 14mth later dd was born, 18 mth later we got married and 10 mths after that ds was born. It was all too quick, and i didn't know him at all.

Just over 12 mths before meeting him, i was in a abusive relationship (3yrs), i got pg on the pill and had an abortion. I then went to hell and back (regarding the abortion) went on a sleeping around mission, so i think its easy to say, anyone would have done at the time, i was craving affection and normality.

All he has done from day 1 is lie to me, he has never hit me, but has shown mild signs of aggression, i.e throwing things, kicking a door in, chasing me up the stairs.

With him it is more emotional, he never wants to talk, makes me feel hysterical through his lack of emotion, no sympathy at all, the year anniversary after me having the abortion i was heartbroken, he turned him back on me in bed. I have been really ill recently with a D&V bug, i had to beg him to come home, and his response is "how long is this gonna go on for?" and "you would want me to come home if you had scratched your finger".

He works full time, i am studying atm, he makes me feel it is all his money, his possessions, and regularly throws this up in a row. He says i used him to have kids and get married, he isn't even a good dad really, has no patience with the kids at all, isn't affectionate with them and just shouts pretty much all the time at them.

There is so much to say, i don't think it would be possible to write it all down.

I know it isn't EVER going to work, he isn't going to change, i tred water everyday, and try my best but what can i do? I suppose i know that if i leave i will have nothing, he has said me and the kids would have to leave, as he wouldn't, i would end up another statisitic of a broken marriage, and would have to go on income support, and would have no where to live.

I am stuck in a rut, and i really cannot see myself with him in the future, as in once the kids grow up and leave, and by then my life will be pretty much over. If he was an excellent dad, i would definately stick it out and give up my happiness, but he isn't.

Also i have namechanged, but this is will tell you who i am, i recently found he had been sending sneaky messages to a girl he knew at school on FB, apologising for me walking in, and saying not to message him via FB as i would see, but to email him on work email (i have no access) as he didn't want me to see their chat.

Surely there much be better than this?

The only people i feel i can rely on is my parents, and i can't imagine anything happening to them and me being left in the "care" of him.

I would never ever regret my kids, but i do regret him and me so badly. My life feels like one big disaster over and over, and the only goodness to come from me is my beautiful kids.

OP posts:
distraught80 · 06/12/2008 00:58

The reason i haven't replied on the other thread is because he read it.

OP posts:
distraught80 · 06/12/2008 01:00

I just crave a normal relationship, as this isn't normal at all, i know all relationships have their problems but i feel like i am living in hell at times.

OP posts:
ScottishMummy · 06/12/2008 01:05

want to acknowledge reading your post,and undoubtedly you are having bad time.how are you now?

are you and dc ok?
who can you trust who can be your confidant
are you safe
such a shame you feel so overwhelmed and sad

do take care

i gotta go,tired

blinks · 06/12/2008 01:05

is your name on the mortgage?

i'd get the fuck out of this relationship.

distraught80 · 06/12/2008 01:07

Yes i think my name is on the mortgage, but there is no way i could afford living here, and it would break my dds heart to move.

OP posts:
distraught80 · 06/12/2008 01:08

Me and the dc are safe and ok, he is not like that, i just cannot go on pretending anymore, everyone thinks we are blissfully happy, but then i am getting good at this pretending lark.

OP posts:
blinks · 06/12/2008 01:18

you need to check that your name is on the mortgage and see a solicitor. you have rights so don't listen to his 'you'll get nothing' spiel.

relationships go through ups and downs but this sounds like more than that.

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