Im not sure what to do next if anything or how much more i can stick at this.

[CharleeInPantoPapaerChains]

dp and o have been together 6 years we were young when we got together and had our first relationship honeymoon perios - we went out, had fun, has an amazing sex life ect ect ect.
2yrs donw the line ds comes along and since then its been steadily going down hill.

DP has alot of emotional needs he craves affection and attention, i on the other hand don't in fact i swing the oppisie way i hate being hugged and stuff and i am happy by myself.

Anyway we have been plodding on for 4 years now even had ds2.

We have a huge blkow out row or 'discussion' every month him saying 'were like brother and sister' more than a couple and me saying ' i agree - but how do we fix it?'

Anyway i got very depressed (i am bipolar) and took a long hard look at my life, i saw that i had no firiends, no hobbies or intersts. DP and i were lving in eachothers pockets and i wanted to just leave one day and never come back.

I decided to get into drmam again something i was once very passionate about and i have fallen strieght into it again and i love it, plus i have made some nice new friends and i am happy. ]

DP says i 'have changed' as if i was having an affair - im not.

He has firends, not great ones they are all young, childless and go to the pub anf out clubbing at the drop a hat and they don't like it that dp cant.

I guess i am just getting fed up of fighting about it, i simply cant be the person he wants me to be and i cant give him what he wants.

We are both so obviously unhappy and were clining onto a relationship that has nothing to it but neither of us is brave enough to take the step to split up, he has nowhere to go and is undergoing councelling and i think us splitting up would push him over he edge - although he said today half his problems are due to me.

We hae tried havng 'dates' but we have nothing in common he likes Gears of War on the xbox i like acting, i like dancing he hates it ect.

I am at a loss as to what to do next, we had our regular argument today (asi was about to go to panto) and now hes in bed asleep he hasnt spoken to me since, i can't bare the thought of us still drifitng along like this in 10 years time.

Anyone about to give me a hug? [pathetic emotion]

Oh Charlee -- I dont know what to suggest as I seriously have days like this myself.

Have you had a sit down with him and explained exactly how you feel - minue the leaving part?

HUGS to you and I hope someone can come online and help you more than I am.

What brought you together in the first place, could you have counselling together, its really hard with a young child on any relationship.

[[[HUG]]]]]

I have but all he says is it's my fault becuase i used to be so different and it's true i did! But i was 16 at the time and now i have 2 children one of which is very ill so i am different i grew up - quickly!

We don't even sleep in the same room ffs it's stupid we are like room mates or siblings. We have sex ocassionally but its more a case of 'if we do it he wont moan at me' sort of thing.

Part of me doesn't want to keep fighting for this relationship to work but i do love him we just grew up in different directions so i don't know how it can work tbh.

We were teenagers when we go together! We used to smoke dope together and hang out with our mates!

He just seems to want me to be over him all the time and to spend all my child free time with him but i don't want to! That sounds horribly selfish but i want a life outside my little family sometimes.

You both need to be honest with each other about how you feel and what you what from life. Of course you are differnt you have grown up and turned into parents.

hug

I am just wondering how many more years i will cling on for before it all comes to a big head?

I think you need may well to focus on liking and respecting each other and working together as your DC's co-parents, not as a romantic couple. Ie basically as amicable a split as possible, if you feel like this (people who get together and become parents in their teens are often not at all suited and would have split up comfortably enough ages ago if not for the dc). This will take time and effort but it is doable ie you are Not A Couple but not bitter enemies either.

I am being honest with him!

He wont admit he is unhappy most of the time but its so obvious.

I don't know what i want but i don;t want this i know that for sure!

THATS WHAT I WANT! See you get it but he it either all or nothing!
He says he is scared i will be off with another man the second he was out the way, which i wont i want some space to be me!

\do you think its possible to live together amicably and not be a couple?

Ancutally saying that i think he would take the piss and go out every availiable second and spend all our money if i asked him to do that!

Charlee: well if you are not a couple then he can't spend your money ie you would have to agree a shared budget for household expenses and then divide what's left over for each of you to spend as you see fit.
If you are not a couple then both of you are entitled to date and have sex with other people whenever you want.
You can live together amicably as co-parents if both these things are agreed and understood, otherwise you will only be able to be amicable co-parents in separate households.

Are you sure you are being honest?

I can't do anything until after christmas anyway i couldn't do that to the family at this time af year.

I don't think he would go for it anyway tbh.

Thanks for your help.

Yes i am being honest - its upsetting him becuase i am being brutaly honest.
What makes you ask LoveBeingAMummyKissingSanta?

Not sure tbh

You love him but don't want to be with him but have sex with him but think you could live together with seperate lives but can't stand the thougtht of another 10 years of it.

Like I said you need to be honest, what do you want to happen if you didn't think about him and his feelings?

Oh its hard to explain.

I DO love him, i don't know if its becuase he's the kids dad, or if i do becuase we have been togehter so long. I just know i do.

If i could wave a magic wand and make tings good i would but i can't so i do want the relationship to work but i i just don't know how it can without me being someone i am not.

I don;t want to not be with him in fact i can't imagine not seeing him all the time but i am just so emotionally and ohysically worn out with the existing relationship and fighting, i would like to have a trial seperation but he wont do it.

Yes i have sex with him i just hope that if we start to have the physical relationship we once has our emotional one may come back to but again its not the case. (silly idea i know)

tbh i know we couldn't live together with seperate lives. It would never work.

Which is where being honest comes in. He's wants the old you so you do that a little, he thinks she's still there and its the real you.

Does he know YOU?

Be honest and find each other again. Be attracted to and fall for the people you are now not the teenagers who met!

Haha - I don't KNOW me! So i guess not.

I am slowley finding me but he is not loving it tbh. The only thing that i can see being totally honest that has changed about me is the face we are not at it like rabbits every few hours and that we don't go out as much, we do go out ocassionally.

His biggest bug bear is he has a high sex drive and a craving for physical attention and affection hugs/kisses ect where as i reallt could live without them.

OK so why does he not like it? Because he feels threatened by it. He thinks you are going to leave him when you realise you don't need / want him or your life anymore.

He does not feel secure.

I think the trouble is that you are growing up and he is either still immature (and wants the pair of you to carry on like teenagers, which is difficult when you have DC) or wants you to be the ickle princess who worships him and does what he says all the time. It is not at all uncommon for women to find a relationship that they have been in since their teens becomes suffocating in their twenties because the man doesn't want them to grow up.