Advice desparately needed- friend being bullied by her housemate

[notamumyetbutoneday]

Im posting on behalf of a friend, hoping someone can advise as neither she nor I knows where to turn.

A year ago my friend (call her C) bought a flat with her friend 'P'. They bought as an investment and planned to leave in it for 2 years before selling. Obviously with the credit crunch things have not gone to plan.

Since C and P moved in, P has been bullying C. By bullying I mean manipulating other people against her, trying to control her in terms of wanting to know where she is all the time, putting her down in front of other people, being extremely rude and so many other examples I cant count.

C has tried to discuss the situation rationally with P to find out what the problem is and why shes being this way, but this resulted in P insulting C calling her selfish (totally untrue) and insulting her family and other friends!

Personally I beleive P is very jealous of C (C being very popular and having a good job, successful etc).

Really i am just asking for advice as to how to help her. the worst thing is I live 200 miles away so I cant even visit that often

It has massively affected Cs personality in that she used to be life and soul of the party and now she is this timid little thing who is terrified of going home in the evening and having panic attacks on the train home

Because of the credit crunch the flat has massively decreased in value so selling isnt an option.

Does anyone have any advice at all on how to deal with this problem? it is breaking my heart watching my friend disappear.

Hi notamum, is there anyway she can get a tenant in and move somewhere else?

See, now, it's not the best advice in the world but if that were my friend, I'd make the 200 mile journey and stay for a weekend. I'd let P have it both barrels and then some! Bully the bully!

OR

Invite C up to yours for a weekend and work on her confidence and open her eyes to how P is manipulating her. Being right in the middle of the situation, she probably can't see wood for trees right now.

To what extent are their lives connected? You say that P is manipulating other people, and putting C down in front of other people - why is this possible? Do they have friends in common? I would certainly advise C to separate her life as much as possible from P - don't let her have any involvement with Cs friends, family or colleagues.

It must be very unpleasant to not feel relaxed and comfortable in your own home, but are there ways she can spend time in the house without interacting with P? I've shared student flats with people I didn't get on with, and simply spent as little time there as possible and/or stayed in my room with books and TV! I know it shouldn't be like that when you (part-)own the house, but it might make it easier to deal with.

How badly off would she be financially if they sold the flat for what they can get, or it was repossessed? Do they have legal paperwork from the joint purchase, and if so what rights do they each have?

As Louie says, getting a tenant and renting elsewhere would be a way to get out of it, if she can ba;ance the finanaces that way.

Have a look on some websites, etc, that deal with domestic violence. While I am not suggesting that there is any kind of unrequited-lust element to the bullying, there may well be some useful advice there: if you share your home with an abusive individual, it doesn;t actually matter whether or not you are romantically involved with that individual.

Thanks so much for your responses- its really helping to get an independent view of the situation.

Doodle 2U- Ive visited a couple of times and always bitten my tongue as i worry about making it worse for C. She visits us regularly and we have talked a lot about how P is making her feel and she has now realised the effect it is having upon her- this is how it came about that she sat P down for a talk which just made matters worse as P wouldnt listen to reason.

Amuminscotland- You are totally right, that would be the ideal to limit contact. unfortunately tho yes they have several mutual friends as that is how buying the flat together came about. As the flat has dropped in value so much, i dont think getting a tenant would work as the tenant wouldnt pay enough to cover the mortgage i dont think as they have a substantial mortgage. Regards rights though this definitely needs lookign into and i have sent her some advicewebsites and she is going to give them a call.

Solidgoldbrass- i think you have something there- although not DV, there is definitely an element of control going on.

Any other advice as well would be much appreciated, im really worried for my friend.