How do you know when to call it a day?

[jingleMAMADIVAsbells]

oh dear are you ok?

What has happened ?

I'm just getting fed up but I don't know what to do we have been together for 7 and a half years since we were 14/15 and we have our 2.5YO DS. But so much has happened I just dont know if its fair on any of us to be together

when you have to ask the question and mean it

it's time to quit

Mama diva i think its just something you 'know'.
you 'know' you are unhappy
you'know' you can't do it anymore
you'know' it is impacting on your life and your ds
you'know' you don't want another 7.5 years like this.

If you want it you will find the strength

When you have tried everything you can think of and you still can't see the point.
When you can't think of a single reason why you should stay together.
When the thought of even one more week of life like this makes you want to cry.
When you realise that life on your own would actually be easier/ better than life in this situation.

I am not sure about it being over.

I am not sure if this sounds weird, but I swear it seems to be.

Out of all the couples I know, the ones that have reached the 7yr mark seem to have doubts etc. some try to make it work and it does take a year or so before they feel 'right' about each other again. I fall into this category.

Sadly, their are others who have split at the 7yr mark or tried that bit longer and still split.

I suppose its the 7yr itch thing, seems about right.

We've had our ups and downs like everyone else but maybe a bit too many for our age.

He was there through a lot with me, my mum and dad breaking up my mum moving away when I was 16 so I moved into his mums, then I got my own place and I think he felt like he had to come live with me but he never said that we were 17/18 then.

When I got pg I decided I didnt want to live where we were because the area was dog rough basically so I decided to move to the Highlands where my mum was to bring up DS when I was 6 months gone.

DP was not interested in coming for a while because he was in a decent paid job with local council but at some point I turned into a right cow and told DP if he didnt come with me he would just be like his dad giving up on his kid and that if I moved away he wouldnt see LO because I was not having a PT dad meessing up my kids life, I feel terrible about that and think it was just hormones getting to me and I know I shouldnt ahve done that but at the time I thought it was either one or the other. I am ashamed of myself for that.

Fast forward 2.5 years we have a lovely housing association house I am settled and so is DS who we both love to bits, well his dad does and I do dont get me wrong but sometimes I wonder why Ive never had the rush of love for him, why do I always feel like I do nothing with him it's like I dont know I love my son but not as much as I think I should but Ive never been a maternal person but still.

Anyway DP is in a job he HATES as am I my job is shit too, we dont earn alot between us as I work bank hurs so am never guaranteed hours so one month get paid 400 next month like this £40 because DS has been unwell as well as mr, and to make matters worse DP keeps saying he hates it here and he does not want to stay here for the rest of his life but I cant move again I am settled in every way here except my job, and he has admitted when he moved here he resented me for what I had done and only moved here for his kid but after time he loved me again as he put it

We are in a bit of debt not major about £1500 but I feel as though we just cant egt out of it and this makes us argue all the time!

Like this month we are struggling to pay rent and bills as well as childcare but he has £70 sitting in his wallet for a chritsmas night out and a train ticket to glasgow but I cant use it because its his, he has done this several times before though and I just feel sick of it but Im not sure what to do because I dont want to split up over money as we will work through that but I dont think we are as happy as we should be and everything even sex life seems to be none existent now, we never go out its just not the life I should have at 22

Sorry for rambling I just need to get it all out, DP buries his head in the sand as hes not very good with words so doesnt listen and wont talk at all he just acts like nothing is going on which I tink gets me too he just cant talk through things he just turns away fi I try...

Oh goodness I didnt realise that was so long sorry

It sounds to me like life circumstances are playing a huge part in both your unhappiness. When things are hard there are some that pull together and then some who lay blame and resent eachother. Is there a way this can be worked out, does he recognise how unhappy the situation is, does he want to work with you to work things out? it sounds like you are having a relly shitty time and only you know if it's the end of the line.

I honestly dont know I think in a way its just that Im not happy with how my life has turned out, I achieved alot and totally turned my life around when my mum moved away.

My mum was a great parent we lived in a lovely house etc but for aome reason I hated her went off the rails at 13 was basically an alcaholic at 15 have never done drugs or anything though, we fought and I got in some bad states had a miscarriage at 14 with my BF at the time we were together for over a year but i split up with him after that obviously but I made the mistake of not telling anyone my mum still doesnt knwo and we are like best friends now, my DP only found out a few months ago and my ex who got back in contact a few months back to say that my best friend had told him about miscarriage so had to tell DP but still no one else knows

But when my mum moved away I chnaged I was youngest in my college class to pass SVQ 2 in playwork, I stopped drinking and met new friends done kloads of training got into a fab job which I loved and then I got pg.

try to look at it another way - how would you have wanted your life to turn out?
Is it because you are still quite young and are in this longterm relationship? I can relate to that - I was with my 1st bf for 11 years, from 16 to 27, but we didn't have any DC (thank GOD! not for no DC, just not with him)

right so things didn't turn out the way you expected, you can't blame anyone for that, your dp is a part of the life you don't like but he alone is not the cause. We all feel trapped by our cirumstances at times, you are still young, there is time to do what you want in life, life atm isn't what you thought it would be but that doesn't mean to say it never will be. is splitting with your dp going to be the change that makes you happy?

I really dont know. Its gotten to the point where I ask myself do I love you because you are my sons dad or do I love you because of us IYKWIM.

I cannot answer that directly I think the main cause is money and the fact he lies about it other than that we are fie I have to say I just think I am so bored I need to get away be alone for a while.

then try and get away, some time to reflect may be a good thing

and you need to address the boredom, you don't need money to entertain yourself. Do you have good friends around you?

I think you both need to have a good look at your life and see what changes you can make.

Would you not consider moving back if it made your dp happier or even a different area altogether where you could both get jobs you don't hate.

By the sounds of it, neither of you is happy and you both need to make some major compromises.